The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 574 times
Member Comments
This is a fantastic story. You packed so much emotion is so few words. I instantly felt drawn to the little girl and could almost feel her pain.

I did notice that you don't use many commas. Often, it's a personal choice but there were times when it would have helped me flow with the story a bit easier. This sentence: In the summer of 1971 their parents took them to the drive-in would have been easier for me to read if there was a comma after 1971. Also it was hard to know if their parents meant both families or just the Hartman's. I think that is partly due to a POV shift. You give us a peek into Alex's mind and then a glance into the girls'. It's something I'm learning myself and wouldn't have even noticed it a couple of month ago.

Even with that tiny red ink, I thoroughly enjoyed your story. You have a knack for storytelling and I imagine you would be fantastic at plopping down surrounded my kids and telling them a story. There is a huge difference between reading a story aloud and telling a story. You are talented at writing for sure and I think storytelling would be the natural next step , if you haven't done it already.

You developed a conflict or two right away. You masterfully spread it out over several years and then came full-circle at the end with the resolution. This is a fun and thrilling read and you have a great message for young and old alike.
Clearly an interesting story that allowed the reader to see the personality of the MC as the years sped by. It held a good message and I enjoyed it. Thanks.

God Bless~
Great story! At first I wasn't sure how the sentences in the first paragraph tied together, but as I read it started to make sense. Good job.
Sweet story with lots of character- Good job!
Oh, I loved this! It's story-book and reality all in one. It put a lump in my throat and warmth in my heart. Thank you and congratulations!
Congrats. God bless~