The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/16/12
Awww...I loved this! So heart warming. I thought it was an uplifting and sweet story. Nicely done.

It brought back memories of when my dad used to endure my "tea parties" with my m&m sandwiches! Thanks for bringing back to a sweet time in my life.

God bless~
08/18/12
This is very sweet, and a fun approach to the topic. I liked it a lot. Good writing with a surprise twist and happy ending.
08/18/12
This was a darling story. Those parents are the kind we all hope to be. It was a sweet approach to the topic.
08/19/12
Delightful story...it's not what's on the table but who's around it that matters...i liked your message:)
08/19/12
Nice job. In the eyes of a little girl, grapes and cookies are a very fine banquet.
08/21/12
This was precious! The entire scene you painted created such a warm "feel good" sensation. I could feel the sense of pride in the parents and the closeness this family portrayed. This was so well written and made me want to join them all for pizza ... just to get to know them better. Awesome writing!
08/22/12
I absolutely adored this story. You grabbed me in the beginning and I started smiling right away. Very rarely do I get surprised by a twist and you manged to do just that. It was delightful.

The tiny bit of red ink is I noticed a POV shift with this line-- hoping she sounded like a princess.
This is something that I'm just learning myself and I had always thought if a story was told in the third person that the reader could peek into any character's mind. Then I learned that the reader could only know what the MC knows, sees or feels. You could easily fix that by showing instead of telling. Something like Laurie stood up tall and enunciated each syllable. She sounded just like the princess in her favorite movie.
I hope my example shows you what I mean.

Other than that tiny thing (And a couple of months ago I wouldn't have even noticed) I think you did a splendid job. I've read almost every story this week and this is fun, fresh and original. It was a delight to read and I suspect anyone who reads it will agree!
08/23/12
Congratulations on your placement Leola! Nicely done. God bless~
08/23/12
Congratulations on your HC and EC! Great writing.
08/23/12
CONGRATULATIONS!! HAPPY DANCE!!
09/15/12
Loved this story! You had me completely fooled. Would love to see this scene in a movie. Great writing.