The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/16/12
I enjoyed this well written entry. I especially loved how the "ending came together so well." Nicely done. God bless~
08/18/12
This is an enjoyable entry. I loved it. Great writing. I expecially liked the "sinner Peace".
08/19/12
This was a clever story. I enjoyed the humor that comes from a child's perspective.
08/20/12
Loved reading this story from a child's point of view. Like Genia, I loved the sinner peace. So cute. Good job. God bless!
08/21/12
A wonderful and delightful perspective, one that resonated with me ... made me wonder how my own kids saw things. Well written ... great job!
I really enjoyed this story. It made me smile, chuckle and tear up. You put me through the gambit of emotions and what a delightful trip it was!

I think with a bit more showing and less telling this story could be polished up and would be perfect fro a tween magazine. For example this sentence is telling: Mom didnít seem quite so grouchy.
By adding some details you can show the reader. Like this: Later on, I noticed Mom humming when she thought she was alone. Soon she even started to smile as she scrubbed the floors.
Those might not be the exact details you want but I hope it helps show you what I mean. If you would like some more help, feel free to PM me.

You definitely covered the topic. Having read most of the stories this week, I think you handled this in a fresh and fun way. I loved the voice of an MC--childlike and innocent but wise as only a young one can be! You had me falling in love with the MC and her observations. So many worry and fuss over the wrong things. In the end, you showed that empathy and love is far more important than freshly painted rooms (though having a huge dinner like that is a great way to get the house cleaned! :))