The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Ooo, great story! The friend's dad seems really authentic and just the kind of friend or dad you'd want. My only red ink is that for some reason I thought the MC was female until his name was used. Good job!
08/03/12
Loved the entire engaging piece. It was on topic and entertained me from the first word to the last.

Thanks. God Bless~
08/05/12
I enjoyed this descriptively written sad-then-happy story. You made me really feel for Tommy. Nice job!
08/06/12
Yes, names can hurt... I think you did a wonderful job in your descriptions as Tommy made his way up hill after hill. And what a phenomenal way to end the story with a solution to Tommy's problem. What a neat dad; one I'm sure Tommy wishes he had. Very nicely written.
08/06/12
I really enjoyed your story and the MC rang true. Well written.
08/07/12
Now I know why - whenever I get the urge to exercise - I obey a stronger urge to sit down until that first urge goes away. Great inner profile of your MC, and good character description throughout. Well done.
You got me into the story right away by putting me into your MC head; and, although I couldn't relate to the "overweight" thing, I could have empathy over the name calling and the desire to improve, be anything I wanted, prove myself, etc. And that, in part, is what made this story a good read for me. I also liked your ending - there are people who understanding and care and take time to make you feel valued.
I felt like I knew your mc well. I was glad you worked out a good situation for him.
I enjoyed this and could feel the panic and fear build with each pump of the pedals. I did think it was a female though. But now that I think about it, I like having the MC who struggles with weight and body image be a male. It's more stereotypical for a female to have an eating disorder but it does happen to boys and your story will help open the eyes of parents who may think it's just a girl thing.
Congratulations for ranking 8th in your level and 11th overall!