The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/19/12
This is a sweet story about a blended family coming together. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to the struggle. Your dialogue, which ran throughout, was believable.

I got a little confused in the beginning at who was speaking. When the third character was speaking, it might have helped to know who she was before her dialogue. I was still figuring out that that first "parent" speaking was the dad and not the mom, so I was even more confused when the third person, the step-mom spoke up. Once I got past all that, it flowed well.

You used "replied, called, responded" type phrases a lot. Those could be replaced with words that show us what the characters are doing and how their feeling, which draws the reader in more and paints a better picture. More of that sprinkled throughout the dialogue would give the piece more interest and bring the characters alive.

I do like the believable dialogue. This is an art in an of itself. Thanks for the story.

07/20/12
I enjoyed the interaction and the patience with the step-mum and child. It was realistic and brought forward a strong message. This is something many will relate to, adn so a very believable and thought provoking story.

Thank you. It was a wonderful read. God bless~