The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
07/19/12
Adorable, clever, fresh and completely different. I loved this piece. Nicely done, and comepletely on topic...Thanks~

God Bless~
This is a lovely story. I liked how you showed the conflict right away. So many of us feel unsure and not good enough, especially when we compare ourselves to others around us.

Some tiny red ink --You didn't use any commas at all except at the end of a quote. Punctuation can be a tricky thing. On the forums there is a thread called Jan's Writing Basics that helps greatly when trying to remember all of those fussy little rules. Another thing you might want to consider is instead of using taglines like she said or he replied take that space to describe what the speaker is doing. For example "It's no good." She lowered her head and could feel her cheeks burning. This lets you know that she is speaking and it gives you insight into her emotions.

However those things are just mechanics. The real meat of the story is your original and fresh take on the topic. I chuckled at the footnote and immediately pictured how God's kitchen with its colorful fridge must look like. Even more important is the message. It's so true that at some point, even the Masters were all beginners. Only by practicing and receiving feedback from reliable sources can we ever hope to improve. This is true in our faith and your story showed how important it is to make sure we have back-up helping us back on the path when we stumble Excellent story-telling and is perfect for the tween audience.
07/23/12
I love the underlying meaning here, and am personally grateful that God accepts even our unskilled offerings to Him. I enjoyed this.
07/23/12
A great message! I really enjoyed the wonderful way you painted the conversation between the child and the adult ... and then related that to our relationship with God. It made everything so real. A wonderful piece of writing!
07/25/12
Oh, how I loved the symbolism here. We bring our gifts to the Father, but we feel they aren't good enough or not as good as someone else's. Yet Father loves each gift and sees our potential. At least, this is what this entry spoke to my heart. God bless!
07/26/12
How clever of you - an article about a fridge that doesn't leave your readers cold! Love how you have communicated a growing sense of trust and appreciation through the whole piece. Well done.