The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 310 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
I absolutely love this. It is a great children's story and that is my favorite genre. So many kids can associate with feeling different, even wondering if they were born into the wrong family.

There are a few spots that still need polishing (but what story created and written in less than a week doesn't need polishing?) These lines -- Henceforth\,/ his late night thinking would cause him to over\-/sleep. There were many\,/ many days when he would wake up to find that he was the only one still at home.
-- needed some commas which I inserted with a \ /. That is really no biggie in the grand scheme of things.

I liked the POV. One of my first thought was to do a picnic from an ant's POV. But I would have made it a twist at the end. Instead I really like how you only let the reader wonder for a few lines before you revealed the MC is an ant. I think that is a stronger idea than mine. It helped me picture the story and my heart hurt for poor Joe who was a thinker amonst hard-workers.
I absolutely love this. It is a great children's story and that is my favorite genre. So many kids can associate with feeling different, even wondering if they were born into the wrong family.

There are a few spots that still need polishing (but what story created and written in less than a week doesn't need polishing?) These lines -- Henceforth\,/ his late night thinking would cause him to over\-/sleep. There were many\,/ many days when he would wake up to find that he was the only one still at home.
-- needed some commas which I inserted with a \ /. That is really no biggie in the grand scheme of things.

I liked the POV. One of my first thought was to do a picnic from an ant's POV. But I would have made it a twist at the end. Instead I really like how you only let the reader wonder for a few lines before you revealed the MC is an ant. I think that is a stronger idea than mine. It helped me picture the story and my heart hurt for poor Joe who was a thinker among hard-workers. You nailed the topic and kept me riveted to the screen.
Hmm apparently I hit submit and not backspace. Oops sorry!
07/12/12
Such a darling article with a powerful message for kids and big kids alike! Who amongst us hasn't felt like your MC at some point in his or her life? Nicely written.
07/12/12
This is a unique take on the topic. I think it should speak to all of those who feel as if they are God's cosmic joke. Come to think of it, don't most of us go there sometimes?

07/13/12
Such an endearing story. Reminds me of a bedtime story that I used to read as a little girl. Touching, and thoughtful, with a good message. Thanks, I enjoyed it. God bless~
07/13/12
Great to see Joe overcoming his hesitANTcy (or maybe toying with thoughts of committing insecticide) with such a brilliANT idea! His ANTcestors would have been as proud of him as his parANTs were, but I ANT going to go any further in case I ANtagonise you.
I enjoyed how you profiled Joe's worries in a way that kids could relate to, as I think this is the skeleton of a terrific children's story. Well done.;-)
07/16/12
Oh my! This is wonderful an I agree with the other comments that this is a great children's story that points out some great truths for the reader. I hope it places well. God bless!
07/18/12
Hooray!!! I cheered at the end - that's how engaging the MC was for me. This was a delightfully written story with so many wonderful lessons that could be understood at so many age levels. Great work here!
Congratulations for ranking 6th in level 3 and for placing 19th overall!