The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
07/12/12
That was awesome! I never knew guys obsessed that much--till hubby confirmed it.
I knew when I read the first line and had to stop because I was laughing so hard that I was going to enjoy this story and you didn't disappoint!

The only bit of red ink I might offer is to let the story set for a bit and then read it again or have someone check it for you. I didn't see many typos but this sentence is a tad awkward -- Pressing down with his hands, it was as if the blanket was a business suit as he pressed out every last crease to the best of his ability. Just by restructuring it a bit you can eliminate repeating the word pressing and tighten it up some. For example, Like one might smooth a business suit, Tom pressed out every last crease or wrinkle with his hands. That may not be perfect but hopefully it helps show what I mean.

When I saw this topic, several ideas went through my head. Having a romantic picnic was one of them. I thought it might be a tad too sappy for my taste. However you did a brilliant job of it, not a touch of sap in it. I laughed again at the end when you brought the story full circle. I truly enjoyed it and it left me with a warm fuzzy feeling in my tummy. (See why I thought I'd make that idea sappy? :) But yours was delightful!
07/12/12
Love it. Short but pointed and complete. Great writing.
Great first line! Caught my attention right away. However it seemed like you told us about too much hand motion. His hands were "bobbing up and down, fidgeting in front of him, and resting on his head." You did a good enough job portraying Tom's nervousness through his conversation with himself, excessive hand motions might have best been left to the reader's imagination. One other tiny thing bugged me. Can a blustery wind flutter?
Good ending and funny story!
07/13/12
A very enjoyable read and fun from beginning to end. I liked the way your showed the anxiety the MC had about wanting everything to be "perfect." Yes ... guys do obsess about things like this. Well done!
07/13/12
Thank you for this fun and enjoyable piece. I love sweet stories with humor and punch. This one had it all.
God Bless~
07/13/12
Enjoyable read, with all the appropriate anxiety poking through in all directions. Well done
07/16/12
I enjoyed this story told from the guy's POV. Cute story that made me smile all the way through it. God bless!
07/16/12
I enjoyed this story told from the guy's POV. Cute story that made me smile all the way through it. God bless!