The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/12/12
Even though this may not be a true story, it seemed to have been a really fun day.

There are a few grammar and punctuation issues, and I suggest more attention be made to "showing" the story rather than telling it.

Thanks for bring back memories of some of the spontaneous excursions I've enjoyed in the past; some were in the park.
07/13/12
Delightful and entertaining...wonderful job with this descriptive and well written piece.

Thank you so much.

God bless~
07/16/12
Sounds like a fun day. You use many passive verbs. That's something I struggle with as well.

Enjoyed the story:)
This is a sweet story and it reminded e me of simpler times. I liked the light teasing but when they needed to band together they did so without thing. Good job.