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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Guard Your Heart (06/08/12)

TITLE: I'm No Uterus
By Wilma Schlegel


My favorite coffee mug has a ludicrous scene on it. God is a contestant on Jeopardy. He has racked up a huge sum of money while ‘Bob’ and ‘Betty’, his co-contestants have a big ‘zero’.
It’s completely ridiculous and hilarious.

I thought of the coffee mug while I was searching recently for a new project to knit. One pattern I found was for a knitted heart (not the valentine, but the organ). I thought to myself, very unique and quirky, right up my alley, but what would I ever do with it? And then I got my own ludicrous idea. How about using it as a character in a play, a puppet sort of thing.

The heart could be a guest on a show where he sits next to the host and is interviewed.
The interviewer’s questions would go something like this.

“So Mr. Heart, what do you do for a living?”

Heart: “I pump blood.”

Interviewer: “Ah, a laborer huh?”

Heart: “Well, I’m no uterus.”

Interviewer: “Careful, no slurs here. All I’m saying is that your work sounds, well like a lot of work, kind of gross, too, wouldn’t you say?”

Heart: “It’s my job, it’s what I do. I’m good at it and nobody else can do it.”

Interviewer: “Oh, what happens when you go on vacation?”

Heart: “What do you mean?”

Interviewer: “You know, a little rest and relaxation.”

Heart: “At rest I pump out about sixty pulses a minute.”

Interviewer (getting frustrated): “A sick day then, what do they do when you take a sick day?”

Heart: “I don’t take sick days. Even that time when I was broken, I had to keep pumping.
The whole body would shut down if I stopped.”

Interviewer: “Come on, nobody’s indispensable, who do you think you are? Do you think you’re anywhere near as important as I am? I can have a day off whenever I want one.”

Heart: “There’s really no comparison. All I can say is that I might go as long as one hundred years or more without stopping.”

Interviewer: “Well, and all I can say is that a laborer like you should be well taken care of.”

Heart: “I told you, I’m no uterus.”


Solomon wrote “guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life”. So I probably shouldn’t have that second bowl of ice cream and I probably should get up and do something aerobic, and I will because I want a healthy heart. Vital as ‘Mr.Heart’ is however, Solomon probably meant for us to guard our entire beings. We can do this by constantly growing in our Christian walk through prayer and studying the word and having regular fellowship with other Christians. Then not only for one hundred years, but for eternity we can live with the Lord in Glory.


Bible verse: Proverbs 4:23, NIV

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This article has been read 231 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/15/12
I so enjoyed this. I'm bad at reading titles so I didn't see it at first and when I read the line I'm no uterus I laughed out loud. I can't help wonder if I had known the title if it might have reduced my eye-popping laughter.

I think you did a wonderful job of the opening paragraph and then take the reader on a ride into your imagination which was a wild, fun ride. It must be quite a trip to be inside that mind all of the time. I love the fact that you were able to share that with me.

Personally, I think it might have been stronger if you had ended at the end of the interview. Or perhaps you needed a little better transition because it did feel a bit abrupt to me. I like what you said in the end but you did a good job of taking me to the point already.

It's a beautiful message. I think other than the uterus line my next favorite part was working when it was broken. What a profound line that was and every single reader will relate to that. But we know God is with us during that time and that helps so much. This is an outstanding bit of writing.
Genia Gilbert06/16/12
good take on the topic, and very funny. I liked this, and liked your message.
Patsy Hallum06/16/12
A great lesson in taking care of our bodies. Such an imagination. It made me want to exercise more!
C D Swanson 06/17/12
Clever, funny and different! After reading this story, I felt compelled to go for a five mile hike!

Nicely done. God Bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/21/12
Congratulations for ranking 6th in level three!