The Official Writing Challenge
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06/09/12
Wow! You attacked a difficult subject, but a very needed one. I have a daughter who was fooled so badly by one who, although not a pastor, claimed to be a devoted Christian man. She met him at church. It's almost unbelievable how different people can be from what they project. Good job on this.
This is a great but so sad story. It's amazing how evil can hide in plain sight. You had many great messages in this piece and I think depending on where readers are in their lives they will cling to different messages.

One of the things you want to be careful with is POV shifts. The reader should only be able to see what the MC sees and thinks. So if you're describing Carolyn's thoughts, you can describe that she sees her father is nervous by his actions but she (therefore the reader) can't see his thoughts. This is something I've just discovered as I thought if a story was told in third person you could see everyone's thoughts.

You did a fantastic job of covering the topic in a fresh way while still telling an important message. I wish this could be required reading before marriage. I really enjoyed this and think you covered a tough subject in a caring way.
06/10/12
I fear this sort of thing happens more often than people want to admit. It brings up (to me) the need for better marriage counseling within our churches. Not that counseling itself is a sure-fire preventative for abuse, but it can't hurt.

It's important to listen to one's parents in matters like this, especially parents who are believers and spiritually in tune. I'm so glad Carolyn came around in the end. How many women suffer for years without telling anyone?
06/11/12
I am so happy that Carolyn got out of the abusive marriage and thank God for spiritual, praying parents, in this case, Carolyn's father, Ernest. You covered an often ignored topic. God bless!