The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/07/12
Wow - This entry was pretty intense and extremely graphic. A well written account of what "might" be going on in almost any school across the land. Imaginative. And, powerful.
Only God can turn it around, as you know and have said in your entry. Amen.

God Bless~
06/07/12
Just to elucidate...When I said "graphic" I meant it in the literal sense. Meaning, all of the horrific stories in the world today...so, overall an excellent account of current affairs. Great job with this. Thanks!

God bless~
06/07/12
An issue that can't be addressed enough - bullying. Frighteningly realistic account. Good job! God bless!
This is a great story. I loved how you captured the innocence of theme while still showing us that he was above his grade in the school of the streets. Bullying is something that is becoming way too common.

I think the hardest part for me was keeping the names straight. I did figure Harold was Punt. I know to you it was important to mention that sister Jamie had cancer but the word count limited all you could have done if you had more words. I could almost see a dichomety between the pain of Jamie's cancer treatment to the bullying on the street. As Jamie vomits after chemo, Punt pummels some poor sap on the street causing him to puke. Jamie's prognosis could be 6 months but back on the street Punt messed up and prays for his life to last at least 6 weeks. I'm not sure if this makes sense, just giving you some thoughts on my mind.

You did an outstanding job of building the suspense and of keeping the conflict going. I think one of any favorite parts is God gives the Preacher the need to visit the bathroom before setting out to search for the boy. Yet in the bathroom there is the boy. And who says God doesn't have a delightful sense of humor! I loved this and think fiction might become your forte'.