The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/01/12
Interesting piece! I thought the dark tone worked well to drive home a number of sobering truths about the reality of the enemy we face in this world. Well written, good work here!
06/01/12
Wow...you made the evil, corrupted, vile nature of the enemy of our soul come so alive in this entry. Marvelous writing, with great impact on the reader. Good job! God bless!
Hi -

This is a compelling piece indeed. You used some great words. Your expressions are engaging.

Please note:

- Paragraph that begins, "Really.." - father should be Father

Also, this could have better flow. Some of what you stated is disjointed. And quotation marks should be inserted where there is dialogue.