The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 282 times
Member Comments
This is an interesting story. You intrigued me with your air of mystery in the beginning.

My only suggestion would be to do more showing. For example show the extended pause with an end quote and a narration like - She clamped her mouth shut and shuffled her feet before she mustered the courage to continue.

I enjoyed your last sentence. There is quite a bit of truth in those words. You covered the topic in a fresh and unique way. Good job.
Wow - this was clever and well crafted. I enjoyed the story, the meaning and the powerful conclusion. Thank you. God Bless~
As I read your entry, I thought about the diverse entries that are compiled weakly. Each and every one is unique from the next. And I find this piece very unique. This was nicely written, however, I would have to agree with Shann, that you need to do more showing in the story. I am certainly no expert in the field of review; this is merely my thoughts on this entry. I found your writing and subject matter very real and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
The inward feeling and conviction of the MC are expressed very well in your writing. Well done on a nicely written piece.
Intriguing story. I found myself wanted to know whathappened next and what the pastor's reaction was, which is what a good story does. Thank You.