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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Risk (05/17/12)

TITLE: On Her Knees
By Allison Egley
05/23/12


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Darice adjusted her master's dress. "Essa, I know I'm only your handmaiden, and it is not my place to give you advice about such matters, but please think about what you're doing."

"I've thought about it long and hard, Darice. I've prayed about it too. There is no other option."

"Well of course there are options. Why not have someone else do it?"

"Because this is something I'm supposed to do. Not anyone else."

Darice picked up the brush and started working on Essa's hair. "Okay. I guess I can see that. But you're going about this all wrong."

"I know I'm not following 'standard procedure,' but this matter cannot wait. This is how God told me to do it, and I'm not going to argue."

"Are you sure it was God's voice?"

"As sure as I hear yours right now."

Darice put the brush down and turned Essa around, looking her in the eyes. "Essa, you could die."

Essa wrung her hands. "You think I don't know that, Darice? You think that I haven't played this out thousands of times in my head? You think I haven't tried to come up with every conceivable way this could play out? I know the risk, Darice."

"Then why do you want to do it?"

"I don't want to do it, Darice."

"Then why?"

"Because it's something I have to do."

"So there's no way I can talk you out of it?"

"Oh, I'd love for you to talk me out of it. But I could never live with myself if I didn't take this chance. I know you don't understand, Darice, but you'll have to trust me.... No, you'll have to trust God."

"I don't know Him like you do, Essa. How can I trust Him?"

"I need you to trust Him. For me. Can you do that?"

Darice took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "For you, Essa, I think I can."

"Good. So, how do I look?"

"Stunning. Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." Essa adjusted her dress one last time. "Pray for me."

With a deep breath, Esther entered the king's chambers.

The door shut with a resounding THUD.

Darice fell to her knees, one hand on the door, and her flushed forehead pressed onto the cool, stone floor.


***********
Based on Esther 4-5 (NASB)


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This article has been read 306 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Deborah Engle 05/24/12
What a perfect story for the topic. The story is just right those who know their Bible, but someone who isn't familiar with this story may feel like you've left them hanging.
CD Swanson 05/25/12
I love Biblical entries, and this one didn't disappoint. The story of Esther is one of my "many" favorites. You did a fine job of bringing the topic to the forefront with this entry. Esther was certainly taking a chance, and risking it all for her people. Thanks for this, I loved it.

God bless~
Graham Insley 05/25/12
A great choice that is a real story about real risk.

My only thought would be that the change from Essa to Esther would leave some people wondering what the name change was all about. There were enough words left for a small paragraph that explained the change. To be honest, I don't even know where Essa comes from. Is it a nickname, a different translation or just a device to hide the ending?

None the less, a brilliant story in dialog that I really enjoyed.
Leah Nichols 05/25/12
I picked up on your hints early on and guessed it was a nickname. The entry was very dialogue focused...a little more focus on the reactions of each woman would increase the suspense factor. Good job with the Biblical fiction; I can imagine that conversation as real.
Becky Depp 05/26/12
I knew this wouldn't disappoint and it didn't! It kept me reading until the very end.

I too didn't get the Essa to Esther change at first but then I did right after so it wasn't too jarring.

I very much enjoyed this.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 05/26/12
I knew this had a slightly familiar feel to it but you had me going to the end. You did such a great job with bringing these chapters to life. It's very creative too.
Allen Povenmire 05/28/12
I too, was in the dark till the very end, but it was so well written that the ending tied a bow around the whole story and gave me a genuine aha moment of realization. Esther could have very well had a conversation just like this. Well done.
Lillian Rhoades 05/28/12
I may be out on a limb here, but I think this story is as much about Darice as it is about Esther.
"For you, Esther, I think I can." Darice abandons her doubts and takes a chance on faith. It is she who is found "on her knees."

I think the proper term for a female "Master" is "Mistress."

Thanks for introducing a lesser known character in a familiar story.