The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/10/12
As someone who has experienced that first hand, you had me pulled in with your description of vertigo. Not fun at all! Great descriptions and a good message. Love the title, too.
05/11/12
Not fun feeling like you've just got off a "tilt a wheel ride!" I've experienced dizziness, many times...horrible feeling.

This was a well written descriptive piece, and certainly on topic. Good job. Thank you.

God bless~
05/13/12
This was a darling piece! I really enjoyed the story and was so concerned about the MC's problem...what was it? What was it? I was relieved it wasn't something so drastic..although heat stroke is so serious!

I liked this story, well written.
This is a great story. In the beginning you drew me right in with the knowledge that a conflict was unfolding.

The only thing I might suggest is to go back and see how often you used the word very. Sometimes that diminishes the point instead of enhancing it.

The other thing you want to be careful with is don't give away the ending with the title. I would have been imagining all things like perhaps a pregnancy or something like Meniere's Disease or cancer.

You did a great job of showing the topic and providing vivid details. I also enjoyed how the family surrounded her with love. Nicely done.
05/16/12
Care from loved ones are so important and such a blessing, especially when we are weary or ill. Well done on a nicely written piece.
05/16/12
Haha...I had to laugh at this, having experienced my own "Jo" episode last year at our family reunion. Except I was out, out for so long, my kids thought I'd died. I insisted on going to the hospital, it scared me that much. Surprise, surprise when tests revealed I'd had sunstroke/heat exhaustion. Me...born and raised in hot Arizona. Should've known better. This was a captivating, well written story. Good job! God bless!
05/16/12
I really enjoyed how you brought the reader deep inside the mindset of the MC and allowed us to feel with her the sense of not only illness but confusion. This was very well crafted and you drew concern for the MC right from the start.

The point of a loving, caring family that was respectful of her wishes was clearly driven home. A wonderful piece of writing.
05/17/12
Congratulations on finishing "Highly Commended!"
05/17/12
Congratulations. God bless~
05/18/12
Congratulations on your HC, for a very descriptive story. (I had growing concern as I read that you MC was about to take a drink, which would not have settled her stomach at all - sorry to 'bring that up!')