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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Weary (05/03/12)

TITLE: She Should Have Had an H2O
By Wilma Schlegel
05/09/12


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“Oh! I’m feeling dizzy,” Jo glibly announced as she backed away from the swing where her granddaughter was enjoying the ride.

Dale was only too happy to take over for his wife. It was sheer joy to play with little Abby. He was so absorbed in his fun that he didn’t notice when Jo sat down and didn’t get back up.

On the grass, Jo closed her eyes to regain a sense of balance, but it didn’t happen. When she opened them again the sky was still rotating (clockwise) into the ground. She propped herself with one hand against the sideways earth and held her hot head with the other. ‘I need to get back to normal, this is really inconvenient,’ she thought to herself.

“Hey Jo, are you alright?” Dale half-turned to see his wife. She looked strange.

“No, I’m not,” Jo answered in complete honesty. “I’m very dizzy and a little nauseous.” Her head was very heavy. She rolled toward the ground and lay that heavy head right on it. ‘Ahh, that’s better,’ she thought.

“This isn’t good, what’s going on?” Dale asked. He gathered Abby gently from the swing and moved over to where his wife lay flattened on the ground. There was not a puff of air. The humidity was a thick curtain around them.

“I don’t know.” Jo lifted her head just enough to speak. That was a mistake. That small motion caused a nausea-takeover and she lost the contents of her stomach.

“Do you want to go to the hospital?” Dale was very concerned.

“No,” Jo managed and pressed herself back against the earth, away from the gastric mound, her eyes shut tight against the dizziness.

“I’m going to get you some water and a towel. I’ll be right back,” Dale assured Jo.

As she lay there, Jo was aware of tiny hopping insects from the grass on her arms, but they seemed a long distance away and not worth the effort of brushing off. ‘I’m so very tired. I just want to lie on this grass forever,’ she thought. She inwardly thanked God that Dale was here and that Abby was safe. She wondered if she’d pass out and wake up in the hospital, but she had a certain peace, knowing that God was in control of even this weird situation.

Then Dale was back. Holding a very content Abby in one arm, he knelt down to Jo. “I called Zoey. She’s on her way here now.”

‘Zoey, Jo thought. ‘She’s not due to pick up Abby for a while yet.’

“We love you, Jo and we’ll take care of you.” Dale was very assuring.

When Zoey arrived she came immediately to her mother’s side. Jo was appreciative of the concern her daughter showed. She wanted to let her know, but talking was such an effort.

“Do you want to go to the hospital?” Zoey asked.

“No.” Jo managed and then pulled all her strength back inside of herself.

“I think you should go, but we’ll wait a little while.” Zoey said. “We’re right here, we won’t leave you.”

“Thank you,” Jo said. She didn’t want to go to the hospital because she didn’t know how she’d get to the car. She realized that she didn’t feel frightened, just curious about what was wrong with her and tired, very tired. She was so glad that Dale and Zoey were being so patient, not panicking, just staying right beside her.

Jo spent almost an hour on the ground but eventually she felt strong enough to half crawl, half drag herself to the house. Dale wanted to carry her, but she was afraid the motion would bring the nausea back. In a low crawl position, pushing against the walls of the hallway with her feet, Jo got to the bedroom.

Dale and Zoey managed to get her into the bed and she spent her evening there regaining her strength, sipping water and relaxing, surrounded by a very relieved family.

In the end, Jo felt blessed by the experience. She came away with a renewed appreciation for the support of a loving family and also for the peace of knowing that she was in the Father’s loving arms all along.

She also learned it’s important to stay well hydrated in the hot sun. She’d be less prone to suffer sunstroke.


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This article has been read 220 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Glynis Becker 05/10/12
As someone who has experienced that first hand, you had me pulled in with your description of vertigo. Not fun at all! Great descriptions and a good message. Love the title, too.
Camille (C D) Swanson 05/11/12
Not fun feeling like you've just got off a "tilt a wheel ride!" I've experienced dizziness, many times...horrible feeling.

This was a well written descriptive piece, and certainly on topic. Good job. Thank you.

God bless~
Marina Rojas05/13/12
This was a darling piece! I really enjoyed the story and was so concerned about the MC's problem...what was it? What was it? I was relieved it wasn't something so drastic..although heat stroke is so serious!

I liked this story, well written.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 05/15/12
This is a great story. In the beginning you drew me right in with the knowledge that a conflict was unfolding.

The only thing I might suggest is to go back and see how often you used the word very. Sometimes that diminishes the point instead of enhancing it.

The other thing you want to be careful with is don't give away the ending with the title. I would have been imagining all things like perhaps a pregnancy or something like Meniere's Disease or cancer.

You did a great job of showing the topic and providing vivid details. I also enjoyed how the family surrounded her with love. Nicely done.
Edmond Ng 05/16/12
Care from loved ones are so important and such a blessing, especially when we are weary or ill. Well done on a nicely written piece.
Leola Ogle 05/16/12
Haha...I had to laugh at this, having experienced my own "Jo" episode last year at our family reunion. Except I was out, out for so long, my kids thought I'd died. I insisted on going to the hospital, it scared me that much. Surprise, surprise when tests revealed I'd had sunstroke/heat exhaustion. Me...born and raised in hot Arizona. Should've known better. This was a captivating, well written story. Good job! God bless!
Hiram Claudio05/16/12
I really enjoyed how you brought the reader deep inside the mindset of the MC and allowed us to feel with her the sense of not only illness but confusion. This was very well crafted and you drew concern for the MC right from the start.

The point of a loving, caring family that was respectful of her wishes was clearly driven home. A wonderful piece of writing.
Hiram Claudio05/17/12
Congratulations on finishing "Highly Commended!"
Camille (C D) Swanson 05/17/12
Congratulations. God bless~
Noel Mitaxa 05/18/12
Congratulations on your HC, for a very descriptive story. (I had growing concern as I read that you MC was about to take a drink, which would not have settled her stomach at all - sorry to 'bring that up!')