The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 403 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
04/26/12
I like how you created the anxious scene at the airport -- the feeling something was left behind. I would have liked to meet your characters earlier in the story (just my opinion.) This had a great message with nice details.
04/27/12
You pulled me into the story right away, and I get that the family had to move. I wanted to know why they were moving to the other side of the earth. Just me. Loved the story.
04/27/12
Your pacing is excellent throughout the family's move, and the voice oozes nostalgia. I think the middle "reflective" paragraphs could be omitted - In my opinion your captivating narrative doesn't need explaining. Beautiful.
04/28/12
This was so good. I loved the intereaction and the internal thoughts of the MC's. Great job.

God Bless~
You certainly have a gift for writing.

The story left me with many unanswered questions which was unsatisfying.

However you had me hooked from the beginning.