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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Threefold Cord (04/12/12)
Jill stumbled blindly to the wall where the phone hung. Her shaking hand grasped the pen from the countertop and she began to scrawl the words, the ugly words that had just been forced upon her ears. They were words that had ripped her heart from her chest and thrown it on the floor.

The awful confrontation had started when Dave was saying, “Well thanks for coming by, have a safe trip back.”

Jill couldn’t stand it and had asked, “How can you thank them for coming when no one can even say “I’m sorry.” Jill hadn’t wanted them to stop in, she was afraid nothing would be resolved. Dave had been so against their daughter’s engagement, but he wouldn’t say it. He wouldn’t say anything that might upset Missy. Still, he barely spoke to Jason.

Jason had stood there looking at the floor while his fiancee flung words of hatred at her mother.

“Sorry? Sorry for what? You were never a mother to me.” Missy had accused her. “Tami got all the mothering. Why should you have been asked for input, the shower was for me, not my ‘mommy’!” she’d spit out the title in disdain and mockery.

Jill had stood there with her mouth agape. Who was this young woman? How could her daughter have helped to plan her own bridal shower at a place and time that she knew her mother could not attend? And how could she now speak to her with such disrespect?

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Missy jutted her chin out. “After that scene you made at my graduation and so many other stupid things you’ve done, my friends don’t understand why I even try to have a relationship with you.”

Jill truly couldn’t believe what she was hearing, but at least Dave was hearing it, too, and he’d speak the truth. “Dave, I made a scene at Missy’s graduation???” she asked him, incredulous at the accusation and waiting expectantly for Dave to tell Missy that that was a lie.

But then Dave had just looked at the floor.

How could he stand by and do nothing? Why did he so often side with Missy? That wasn’t what they’d promised each other on their wedding day.

This was not a good way for Missy and Jason to start their lives together. Jill had hoped that Missy would marry a man who shared her faith, a man who would take vows before God and that the three of them would form the ‘three-fold cord that could not be easily broken.’

She shakily put the pen down. She’d been writing the words so that later when Dave pretended he didn’t know why she was so upset, why she didn’t want a marriage like this, she’d have a written record. But it wasn’t a written record that she needed to strengthen her case, her marriage ...
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This article has been read 619 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
04/19/12
Wow this is a powerful story. The beginning was outstanding and likely one of the highest scored section. You grabbed my attention immediately.

The red ink is small--when quoting someone inside of a quote use the single mark' Then if that ends the entire quote you would use three '" Also so many stories included that verse. I think you did an outstanding job with writing on topic and don't necessarily think you needed it. I also was a tad confused why the mother couldn't attend the wedding because of where it was. I admit I'm terrible at reading titles and at the end I noted the title and then it made more sense.

You did a nice job with keeping the story moving. I also liked the open-ended ending. Often writers are tempted to end too abruptly and tie it in a bow. Your ending, though, will allow the reader's mind to go in the direction they need right now and I like that.
C D Swanson 
04/20/12
Nice job! Loved the ending in particular. Most times when a writer leaves the ending to our imagination, it irks me...but in this case it works! Good job.

God Bless~
Amanda Brogan
04/21/12
I like how you showed the importance of forgiveness and understanding in marriage by showing the lack of it. And also how it's important to start marriage out right.

Great writing!
Genia Gilbert
04/22/12
This is interesting and thought provoking. It also illustrates how difficult it is for people to see themselves as they really come across to others.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
04/22/12
I'm sorry if I made a mistake. I realize the mother couldn't come to bridal shower because of time and place. Somewhere in my head I confused the shower with the wedding and inferred from title that Jill was upset because she wanted daughter to marry in the church. I'm sorry about my mistake and hope I didn't mislead others. Hugs :)
Leola Ogle
04/24/12
I agree with Genia-this shows how we view ourselves differently from how others do. Good job! God bless!
Geoffrey johnstone
04/25/12
I wish I had read this 30 years ago.

I hope you get the recognition this article deserves. Brilliant!
Edmond Ng
04/26/12
A very well written piece with a strong message on the consequence of an unequally yoked marriage. You have captured the emotions of the MC in your story very well. Excellent job!