The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 370 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
04/12/12
Interesting and different kind of story. It held my interest throughout, and I appreciated the MC's internal and external conflict. Good job with this.

God Bless~
This is a darling tale. I suspected Finn was an animal but I was surprised when he showed up at dinner as the main entree'.

You packed a lot of story in the limit. I realize because of that you had to do more telling than showing. The parts were you were able to show painted a brilliant picture for me. I just wish there could have been even more showing. Perhaps the paragraph were you told about his parents could have been more showing like Mama worked in the kitchen preparing meals and cleaning the house. She also pulled weeds in the garden. That isn't a great example but it would have gotten the point across that she worked hard.

Overall, I really enjoyed it. I think the characters were wonderful. It's a great insight into the difference between what is really going on in a child's head and what parents think is happening. The ending may have been a tad abrupt but for the most part you wrapped things up an came full circle. I still love the fact that they ate poor Finn. I also think it's great that I didn't see it coming. I guess that5's one way to deal with not liking your child's friend! :)
04/12/12
Unique story with a surprise ending to me! But it was good to find Niklas able to enjoy holidays and "people friends."
I enjoyed this story very much. A dear tale. I feel you did a good job of developing the different characters in such few words!
04/14/12
I like the story and felt it needed more space than the 750 words to tell it the way you wanted. You characters are great and I wish you could have spent some more time on each of them.

The one tiny criticism I have is the "shiny red truck". Your timeline of when Otto and Emilie came to the USA puts this story happening sometime in the 1880s, and I somehow don't think they had shiny red trucks yet. :) It's a petty thing to point out, but I recognized it from the first time it was mentioned and it distracted me the rest of the story. Otherwise, it was a great read and I was caught off guard by the ending of Finn, which made me laugh. Overall a nice job.
Strong beginning paragraph. Hooked me right away! I agree with some of the other comments, this story needs more words than the 750 limit. I can see this as a children's book, however it might be a little too shocking to have Niklas's only friend eaten for Thanksgiving dinner!
It is obvious that 750 words is not enough space. I often have to sacrifice a back story or two and concentrate on one idea.

You did well. Keep writing!
Congratulations for ranking 10th in level 3!