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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Achievement (03/08/12)

TITLE: The Shiny Bracelet
By CD Swanson
03/08/12


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Misty walked swiftly toward the subway station as she was already behind schedule. The hot coffee in her hand created a welcome stream of heat to warm her numb fingers. She was so late… Misty was going to deliver a presentation that would earn her the promotion she desperately needed. The salary increase will help defray the major credit card bills she’s trying to pay off. She’s behind in the rent and drowning in a sea of bills.

Misty began her descent into the hole in the ground thankful to be out of the cold for the moment. She heard the train approaching and hopped down two steps at a time to board the metal “submarine.” She made it!

The image of bills piled high filled her mind, “I know God will help me with these issues, so I won’t worry. If I get this promotion, my problems will dissipate.”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, about to enter relaxation for the first time since awakening, only to be disturbed by a male voice singing.

“Two for one, three for two.” His black eyeglasses were barely held together with tape, his white hair held back in a ponytail. “Buy one in every color!” He limped up and down the car of the train.

“Thirty-Fourth Street,” the conductor’s deep voice reverberated through the overhead speakers.

“Only one more stop and I may make it to that presentation after all. I may actually get this promotion.”

She watched as people waited anxiously to exit. The elderly hawker although limping, was doing an outstanding job of balancing his “beautiful shiny bracelets.”

The train stopped and the doors opened wide… the crowd rushed out paying no mind to the elderly man they toppled to the ground. The bracelets came off the stick, rolling every which way while he watched helplessly.

Misty looked at the old man sprawled on the floor, his precious shiny bracelets scattered throughout the length of the car. She watched the doors close while helping the old man up.

“Sir, are you okay?”

“Yes…but my bracelets!” His voice cracked with emotion.

“It’s okay…the majority of them are right under this seat.” She got down on her knees, searching and gathering as many as she could find… and started placing them on the two sticks. She smiled and he smiled back.

“I think you got them all Miss!”

“Yes I did. I’m Misty-what’s your name sir?”

“My name is Clegg… pleased to meet ya Misty.”

“I’m getting off at the next station. But, before I do I’d like to buy one of these beauties.” She opened her wallet, and he touched her hand and shook his head.

“No it’s on me! I’ll give ya the gem of the bunch…this little beauty right here.” He pried free a deep purple bracelet with shiny rhinestones and slid the “gem” over her hand onto her wrist.

“Thank you so much sir,” she said her eyes brimming with tears.

“I hope I didn’t cause ya too much trouble.”

“Not at all, this is my stop coming up, “she fibbed.

As the train pulled into the station she said with a smile, “Good-bye Clegg.”

“Bye Misty.”

With a running pace Misty finally arrived at work, “Good morning Mr. Crowley, I…”

“Do you know how much money you’ve probably cost this firm? The Christian network was waiting for a commercial about being humble. What the heck happened to you?”

“It’s a long …”

“There’s no excuse…None!” Misty watched him walk away abruptly.

She called the Christian network, “Misty Jones for Mr. Johnson?”

“One moment please.”

“Hello Miss Jones.” He coughed, “Pardon me… tell me what happened?”

“Sir, it is a rather long story. However it is the truth, so if you will bear with me, I will tell you exactly what transpired today. It started with losing electricity, the alarm not going off, and missing my station stop on the train…And, of course the beautiful shiny bracelets and Clegg.” When she was through, there was silence.

“That’s exactly what we’re looking for!” His voice was filled with incredulity, “I want this to air next week. Okay?”

“Yes sir!”

“God Bless you.”

“You too Sir, thank you,” Misty sat back in her chair not fully comprehending what just happened. This means she gets the promotion!

As Misty touched her shiny bracelet she noticed a prism of light creating a rainbow on the wall. She looked upward, and smiled, “Thank you Lord…you are amazing.”





====================================================



“This is based on a true story that happened in New York City. I had that bracelet for years, until one day...I lost it.”


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This article has been read 168 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Amanda Brogan03/15/12
Love it! Especially that it's based on a true story. God is truly awesome like that.

I liked the irony of the boss guy who chewed her out. Being humble ... haha! Sounds like he needs to watch his own commercials.

Only a dab of red ink: be careful to maintain the same tense throughout the story. i.e. Not switching from past tense to present tense.

Great job!
Dannie Hawley 03/15/12
You made me cry with this one! How wonderful that someone, you, shoed that dear elderly man that you cared what happend to him. God, truly, used you and rewarded your kindness/sacrifice. Lovely job on the writing, too. I felt the MC's emotions and that's good!
Leola Ogle 03/15/12
I bet Clegg thought Misty truly was an "angel" from the Lord that day. I sweet, touching story and I absolutely loved that it was true. God bless all the Mistys in the world. God bless!
Linda Goergen03/15/12
Such a moving story and all the more so because it is true! Compassion for fellow man seems to be in low quantity these days…so many people just into self, as your story showed with all the people who knocked poor Clegg down and just kept going. Thank God for the few, like you, who will take the time and risk to sacrifice for another. God truly blessed that sacrifice and the promotion was “achieved” in an awesome way! This story was fantastic, well written and such a true blessing to read!
Hiram Claudio03/16/12
Being a frequent traveler of the subways in NYC, this story touched me in a special way. I loved how the MC, even though clearly frazzled and in a hurry, stepped right up and helped the Clegg out. This story flowed so easily - none of it felt rushed or forced. A wonderful piece of writing ... and a great message!
annie keys03/16/12
What a beautiful story! I'm so glad that it ended well, especially since it is a 'true life' story.

My only critique would be with the very first sentence; it reads a bit awkwardly. Perhaps if you changed it a bit, "Already behind schedule, Misty walked quickly toward the subway station."

Well done, great story!
marcella franseen 03/16/12
Beautiful story!
Edmond Ng 03/17/12
Amazing how God works! Thank you for sharing this. Excellent piece of written work. God bless.
Noel Mitaxa 03/19/12
What a great cameo of God's grace: affirming Clegg's value, affirming Misty's patience even when it was tested, and tossing in a dose of humble pie for her boss. Humble pie is very nutritious for the soul - unless it's force-fed!
The story flows well, though a couple of small glitches show in mixing past narrative with a present tense mention of her credit card debts in the first para, and you mix these tenses again in your last para.
The warmth from the coffee may be better described as a radiant heat rather than as a stream, which creates a picture in my (strange) mind of a leak somewhere.
But these are very minor issues in a major "feel good" story.
Carol Penhorwood 03/22/12
Loved this heart warming story!


   
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