The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/08/12
A very valuable lesson can be learned from this "ending." Great job with this story...clever use of topic.

Thank you for this.

God Bless~
03/10/12
Lots of great tension in this story, kept me wondering what's going to happen next. I also noticed lot's of great detail, scenery, emotions, etc.

Looks like somehthing happened to the end of paragraph three, missing some words, or at least a period?

I was left wondering at the end. Did I understand correctly that the mother was an overprotective, over coddling parent, and she's going to try to lesson Clark's punishment?

03/11/12
A great story and very well done! If this is a true story, I hope there is a topic that will give the conclusion for the MC and his mother. Certainly, she could see that dropping him from the team was the best thing to keep him out of trouble in the future? You kept me reading, in any case, and wanting more.
03/11/12
I love a touch of realism - blood puddling and puke splattering! lol!I also loved your 'brick throwing' style. That's the way to get 'em noticed. HaHa! This is a good story in spite of it's last minute dash to deadline, and you've already pointed out the errors so no need to repeat. I feel your sense of injustice in that Craig got to play again while the victim was out of action owing to his injury. Good job!
03/13/12
A wonderfully creative story and very well written. It held my attention and I appreciate ending it with the MC's parent "not getting it." It really stood out against the backdrop of all that had happened to that point. Well done!
03/13/12
This entry is so on target as far as the topic is concerned AND as far as what parents will "do" for their little sports buddy. It's so unfortunate because Clark probably never did learn a lesson. I thought your story, despite the few words you describe as being left out and Clark(e)'s name being spelled differently at one time, I loved this story. It had a lot of action packed into the amount of permissible word count. Excellent story!
03/13/12
The imagery, tension and feelings are expressed very well in your story. Well done on a nicely written piece!
For some reason at first I pictured Clark as being mentally slow, but near the end I started realizing he was probably just scared. I thought the ending was a little sad with the coddling mother. But great job at having me right there in the action, worried about Quincy. Glad he was okay!
You did an excellent job on the suspense, as well as providing a good example of poor parenting.
04/14/12
I had trouble following this. I love the idea and the pain and sickness the mc felt, but it was sketchy. It looks more like it belongs to me not you!