Emily sat in the dark. Tears that flowed earlier in the day had long since dried up, leaving mascara-streaks on her face like mud splashes on a car window.
She ran her hand absently through her short curls, and stared into the night wondering why God had refused to acknowledge her calls of distress. Without ceasing, she had questioned Him and begged Him to respond.
As she wandered aimlessly through the bedroom where they had spent their honeymoon night, she cried out in anguish, “Talk to me God. Where are you? Why did you take him now? Now, when I’m finally pregnant. We prayed to you for five years for this child before you answered us. Now our baby will be brought up without a father. It’s not fair. It’s just not fair.”
Touching the cold, smooth porcelain angel Bill had given her on her last birthday; opening the refrigerator to find the orange juice that was his every morning wake-up-call; and looking at the shower where he loved to stand for what seemed like “hours”, caused her to scream at God. “Why did you leave me behind? Why couldn’t I die with him?”
The weather reflected the feelings that surrounded her, with the pounding rain and rolling thunder. Lightning snapped, shooting sparks of electricity through the sky. Bolts of intensity shocked the ground like the rumble of an earthquake. The noise was deafening, and Emily covered her ears yelling at God, “Stop it! Stop it! Please make it stop.”
From time to time a streak of lightning shattered the raindrops into dazzling diamond waterfalls, but the beauty of it was lost to Emily. The rain poured down on the ground as tears poured down her face.
She curled up in ball on the couch, with an afghan over her shoulders and around her legs. Sleep alluded her as her mind continued to flash back to the car crash, the blood and the hospital days that lingered endlessly - until the morning Bill died.
As dawn filtered through the blinds, Emily listened. The storm was over. Only quiet remained. She closed her eyes seeking God once more.
“Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.”
“What did you say?” Emily’s eyes shot open. “Who’s there? Who’s talking?” She waiting anxiously, but no other sound was heard.
“What’s the matter with me? I’m hearing voices and talking to myself.”
Emily pulled the blanket back over herself, covering her head to block out the light and the “voice” she was hearing. She hadn’t eaten in two days and felt nauseous. Everything seemed distorted.
A fitful sleep overtook her and for one hour all thoughts vanished, and her mind and body rested in a state of limbo.
When she woke up, she forced herself to walk to the window. As she looked out at the newly washed world, she noticed a drop of rain rolling down the glass pane. With an insight that grew from somewhere deep in her heart, she suddenly knew this drop of rain was one of God’s tears.
“Are you crying for me, God? Was the storm a message you sent to let me know that you understand my suffering? Please forgive me Lord, for doubting your presence and your love. Thank you for bringing me back into your light - and say hello to Bill, Father. I miss him so much.”
At that moment, Emily felt the peace of God come over her, and knew that even though her heart still ached, time and God would give her life new meaning.
Scripture from Matthew 5:4 (NIV)
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.