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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Astonishment (02/02/12)

TITLE: A Tale of the Unexpected
By Rosamund Bunney


When I first began to get to know her, I never realised that she had it in her to be so unpredictable. In fact, I thought I really had the measure of her. She was only a teenager, full of life and vitality, and she talked very freely about her dreams, the future she hoped for. In fact, her conversation was quite revealing, or so I thought. I had her rather well pigeonholed; a well brought-up girl, a little headstrong maybe, but with a good heart and some strong principles instilled in her by a loving upbringing. I could imagine that life might throw some unexpected things at her, but I little realised the extent of her capacity to surprise, even astonish me.
I watched as she grew and blossomed into a lovely young woman, not positively beautiful perhaps, but certainly very pretty with her round, brown face framed by long black curls. I never supposed she would be exempt from the storms of life, but I thought that at least I had a fairly good idea of how she would tackle them when they came.
When he first came into her life I could see that he would be a force for good, he with his kindly wife, they were the sort of friends she could count on. And when trouble came her way, in the form of completely unfounded accusations that tarnished her reputation for a while, they were the only ones who stood by her, kept faith with her and eventually built a bridge between her and the community that had been so quick to believe the rumours and lies.
So I never could have imagined what happened next. I really never thought either of them capable of that. He, who seemed to have been such a stabilising influence, how could he have led her on Ė or let her lead him on, I was never quite sure which way round it was. I had foreseen trouble for her, but I had never thought it would be this particular trouble. Now only God could redeem this mess, and I had to find a way of introducing her to Him and letting Him take hold of her and undo this huge damage that had been done.
No, I never knew that she would turn out to be so unpredictable. I just didnít realise that the characters I had created would take on such a life of their own and run away with my story.

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This article has been read 336 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/09/12
You had me wanting more, which is a good thing! I found myself asking questions and reading on to find the answers.

You may want shorter paragraphs and to double space in between to give the reader that all important white space.

The ending was great! I didn't see it coming at all. I chuckled aloud. I enjoyed the twist and can say it is so true:)
Theresa Santy 02/09/12
Ha! I absolutely love this application of 'Astonishment.' I can relate!

Couple of notes: The first sentence, "When I first began to get to know her.." is quite passive. Perhaps something like, "In the beginning..." would jumpstart a piece with more energy? Also, some qualifying words such as: really, only, very, and quite--though they seem to add oomph--tend to deflate the nouns that follow. For example, in my notes above, if I take out the word 'quite,' the sentence is less hessitant, and therefore stronger.

But again, I thought this was a wonderfully creative, fresh, and unique approach to the word "Astonishment."
Hiram Claudio02/10/12
Such a great story. I really enjoyed the journey you took me on and the way it concluded with the only hope any of us have rests in the Lord alone.

Wonderful written!
C D Swanson 02/10/12
Nicely done. Just a beautiful story!
God bless~
C D Swanson 02/10/12
Nicely done. Just a beautiful story!
God bless~
C D Swanson 02/16/12
Congratulations! God Bless~
Leola Ogle 02/16/12
Congrats Rosamund! Good job! God bless!