Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Astonishment (02/02/12)

TITLE: Undeniable Outrage
By Rachel Burkum
02/06/12


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

It shouldn't have been surprising. The look in her eye, that is.

Her gaze had always been a veritable porthole to her soul, revealing facts which most would prefer ignore. Anyone who had ever watched her or listened to her speak would have more than an inkling of what her past and present were like. But most chose the bliss of blind ignorance. And those were the ones who wouldn't understand the look in her eye now. But I did. And it scared me.

I hadn't been Hannah's friend very long. We'd been attending the same school for years, but she'd always been the type to fade into the shadows. I honestly hadn't noticed her until we were sophomores in high school - a fact of which I was later ashamed.

It only required a few lunches of sitting together to figure out Hannah wasn't all she seemed. Though liking to hide, she had a great sense of humor and was very creative. But there was something else. Something deeper. Something unsaid.

I only noticed when she and I were alone. There was a darkness behind her eyes - almost a foreboding. When she laughed, my ears believed her. My heart didn't. When she smiled, my sight believed her. My soul didn't. I never asked, yet somehow I knew.

Her biggest fear wasn't a low position on the social totem pole like everybody else's - it was taking home a grade lower than an A. To her, failure ranked next to murder. There were times I questioned if she felt her life was worth more than the earthworms dug for fishing. It was never in what she said - only in her empty stare. An emptiness no one else seemed to notice. Or did they? The courage to ask tough questions never showed itself. The bravery to show compassion never appeared.

But what I saw on Hannah's face now wasn't darkness. It was a mixture of shock and pure joy - something I'd never seen in her before. And it was one of the most frightening things I'd ever experienced.

"So how 'bout it?" Jason had her backed up against her locker, his muscular arm a barrier between her and our next class.

Hannah's eyes were fastened to the his, her cheeks matching the crimson sweater she wore. "Really?"

"Well, sure. A chick as hot as you? I can't go to the party alone."

Jason was a senior. A popular senior. He was the most gorgeous guy in school. And he also had the biggest reputation for things of which a conservative girl wouldn't dare speak. I fiddled with my next-door locker, pretending the latch was stuck so I could keep watch on the scene.

Hannah nodded numbly. "Okay. I'll...I'll see you after school?"

Jason flashed her an irresistible grin. "Right." Only after he'd given her chin a teasing tap with his finger did he release her.

I was afraid. Whatever party Jason would go to was not somewhere I felt comfortable sending my friend. "Don't go," I whispered hoarsely.

"Are you nuts?" Hannah's eyes were still wide as she accompanied me to class. "He asked me! Me, of all people!"

After school that day, I watched helplessly as she got into Jason's car. I'd tried multiple times to stop her, but it was no use. Nothing could battle that look of happiness. That look of wonder. She’d been so utterly amazed that any boy, let alone Jason, would take any interest in her, that she was willing to do anything.

As I walked home, my fists remained clenched, anger eating away at my soul. Deprived. Put down. Never encouraged. Unloved. Those were words I would use to describe Hannah. I'd never witnessed her home life. But I didn't have to. I knew. The look in her eye when Jason asked her to the party said it all. No one had ever told her she was important. Pretty. Intelligent. Funny. And now it was too late. It was an undeniable outrage. I could only pray that she would return from the party bearing the same innocence with which she'd left. But it would take a miracle.

It shouldn't have been surprising. The look in her eye, that is.






*The plot and characters in this story are fictitious.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 273 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Sharon Eastman02/09/12
This caught my interest right away. Your descriptions of characters are true to some I knew in high school.
Tracy Nunes 02/10/12
This was powerful. I felt myself saying, "Don't go Hannah!" Unfortunately, this very accurately describes what happens far too often and how a young woman's unloved heart can be fulnerable to vultures. Excellent job!
CD Swanson 02/12/12
A very deep and profound entry. I felt as if I was standing there watching the "unhappy friend" - we have all known or know someone like that. Outward appearances so often belie the "inner" person.

Good job - excellent writing.
God Bless you~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/12/12
Wow this is powerful. My heart ached as I wanted to scream, "Don't go!" This should be required reading for every parent, especially fathers.
Cynthia Carter02/14/12
Is this a guy friend or a girl friend?I feel different about the story if a guy is telling it.
Linda Goergen02/15/12
So sad how the unloved can be so hungry for love, they will accept counterfeit versions of it.
Like the MC, I found myself praying for the miracle that Hannah would come back with her innocence intact. This was such well written story. Emotion evoking! Great job.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/16/12
Congratulations for ranking 10th in level 4 and 11th overall!