Wanted: Administrative Assistant. Must be able to multi-task, plan ahead, bring order out of chaos, make quick decisions, manage a large group, and remain pleasant and calm. Liberal benefit package for right person. Apply to Mr. McFeeny c/o this-mail.
This week I took my children and a few of their friends on a picnic to a nearby park and petting zoo. Before I reached the first stop sign one of them threw up in my minivan. I made a quick u-turn into the corner car-wash to get the carpet sponged and refreshed so we could breathe.
While I was wiping down Wyatt Earp, another one stuck a bean up his nose. Don’t ask me where he got the bean…he wasn’t talking, only screaming. I quickly piled the bunch back in for a detour to the emergency room. De-beaned and all accounted for we went out singing B-I-N-G-O (they thought that spelled Bean-Go).
We continued on to our destination and circled the parking lot for ten rounds of Row-Row Your Boat. We were blessed to find a spot right at the entrance. I asked each one to wear red caps I had brought so I could keep up with my little troop.
Sammy Joe cried, “I don’t want anything on my head,” so I hooked it on the back of his jacket and told him he was Super-Cap-Man. He thought that was cool (sounded stupid to me…but if it worked).
One of my twins, in trying to pet a baby goat, got part of his shirt in the goat’s mouth. He giggled so much(the kid…not the kid) that other visitors whipped out cameras, probably hoping to win some money on that funny video program. He wouldn’t take off the wet and slightly chewed top. I figured a little goat spit never hurt anybody.
With a couple of other too silly to mention events in the monkey house and with a peacock, we finally settled down to peanut butter sandwiches, juice, and fruit. Sammy Joe wanted to save his apple to feed to any snake we might encounter. I told him all the snakes were taking naps and that’s what we needed to do.
I spread a big blanket under a lovely tree. We sang a few lines of the nick-knack-paddy-whack variety and they fell asleep. While they snoozed like a litter of adorable puppies, I made a grocery list, paid some bills, and called my mother.
As if on cue, the ice cream wagon bell made all eyes pop open. I promised we could get a treat after a trip to the washroom. They sang something about yippy-skippy all the way to the cinderblock facility. I realize they are boys, but I took them into the lady’s side of the building. For one thing, they can’t read yet, and for another…well, you get the picture.
Dripping sticks of banana-colored frozen sugar water made a necessary return visit to the restroom for another wash-up. Then, we marched in single file, each holding part of a jump rope I found in the glove box. They loved yelling, “Hup 2-3-4,” as loud as possible. Predictably, each adult we passed smiled in appreciation of their enjoyment of life’s simple things.
When I dropped the ones off who didn’t belong to me, parents and children seemed thrilled to be reunited. I wonder what each will remember…probably the bean incident and the ice cream.
My point in this diary-in-a-day is to show that I am a creative, multi-tasking, decision making, emergency handling pro. I know how to make folks play nice, clean up their messes, and change their minds about feeding their lunches to legless, venom spewing, reptiles. Further, I don’t over-react to unprovoked, semi-attacks from harmless goats and I know how to use my time wisely while others are asleep on the job.
Sincerely, Mary Moppetta
Dear Mrs. Moppetta,
We feel you have all the qualities necessary for this demanding position. Also, we love your attitude. Please call for an interview.
Thank you for your vote of confidence, but it has suddenly occurred to me that I already have a very important job. At least for a few more years I can increase productivity, foster good will, and encourage growth in every area, by staying right here. The hours are long, but the pay is good and the benefits are out of this world!
Happily, Mary M.
We’ll keep your “resume” on file.
For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown toward His name, in that you have ministered to the saints, and do minister.
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