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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Employment (01/26/12)

TITLE: Working Dad
By Kelvin Fowler
02/01/12


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As the sun goes down upon another tired summer's day
that lonely hour after the kids have gone to bed
and before stumbling drunks fall chasing other people's dreams
I quietly ride the bus though fading streets
allowing jazz to permeate the solitude of my thoughts.
Bee-bop a bee-bow-bop.

Reluctantly through necessity I trade my asylum
for a factory where morn, noon and night
classic rock blares under fluorescent tubes
and loo paper conveys along mile after mile
of concrete floor and ragged dreamless men.
Clickety-clack, clickety-clack.

With soulless cardboard box in hand I take my place
amongst an ocean of well meaning, forever-changing paper
and with a mechanical stroke of my hand I callously judge:
rejects to the floor, quality to the middle-classes;
thus emulating decisions that keep darkening my dreams.
Swish-whoosh-thud, swish-whoosh-thud.

Whistle blows, neon eyes greet morning skies
with buds in ears, the morning news embraces my slow commute
from a bevy of broken tired men trying to earn their weekend dreams
to the lingering sound of a loved working mum and our beautiful kids
who, innocently pursuing a better future, have just left for school.
Pitta-patta, pitta-patta.


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This article has been read 908 times
Member Comments
Member Date
CD Swanson 02/02/12
Nicely done - and you nailed the topic perfectly.
God Bless~
Terry R A Eissfeldt 02/06/12
Masterful.
All five senses totally engaged.
Love this
Yvonne Blake 02/08/12
I love the ending line of each stanza. This shows the sacrificial love of a father for his family. Great poem!
Catrina Bradley 02/08/12
Engrossing poetry. I like the gentle rhythm of your words, and the last line of each stanza giving sound to the action. Beautiful.
Michael Throne02/09/12
This is good. I love the imagery, the weariness. Just reading it makes me tired. The sounds at the end of the verses tie it all together so nicely. Well done!
Glynis Becker 02/09/12
Beautiful descriptions and images. The topic is spot on. Congratulations on a great win!
Danielle King 02/09/12
Superb. I love your down to earth style. Congratulations!
Linda Goergen02/09/12
Congratulations on a well deserved win! This was simply amazing! A masterpiece of tribute to the many who go to unrewarding jobs and suffer through the drudgery of each day, driven by the love for their family. Kudos!!!
CD Swanson 02/10/12
Congrats...God Bless~