The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/28/12
This is very intense. I did have to read it several times to get an understanding of what was happening, but then I'm not really a war genre kind of person so that might explain why.

I don't blame your MC for choosing The Community after almost losing his life in such frightening circumstances. I hope I never have to live in such a time as this. Well done.
01/29/12
Very good futuristic piece. Sounds like another American Civil War. I like the way you set up the futuristic time by naming the two political forces engaged in the conflict.

The story was a little on the shorter side. I would have liked to know just a little more about who The Community was.

I got a little confused about why he needed to "play dead." I didn't know if the footsteps moving past him belonged to the enemy or his own troops. I thought the projectile would have come from a somewhat distant enemy.

I liked your descriptions of the battle scene, the muck and mire, the incoming projectile, etc. I could envision it all. I did feel like I was right there on the battlefield with your MC.
Congratulations for placing 10th in level 4 and 13th overall!
I liked this and thought it was a super creative take on the topic! True, there have been quite a few stories lately about the political unrest in the States but I think you had great details and I liked the ending.