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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Embarrassment (01/12/12)

TITLE: Dorothy and the Big Bloomers
By Colin Swann


(These are true accounts –
names have been changed as appropriate)

Dorothy and the pyrex cups
Just after our marriage Sally and I decided that we would regularly invite our peer group church friends back to our new home after the evening service for supper. At the début evening we were sitting pleasantly chatting when Sally started serving refreshments. On seeing the crockery to be used I noticed a set of pyrex cups that I'd previously refused to drink from, as I hate pyrex cups. I said, “What have you got those awful things out for?”

Sally gave me a look that would have stopped a charging rhino in its tracks. The penny dropped! I remembered Dorothy had bought them for us as a wedding present and considerate Sally had wanted to let Dorothy know she appreciated them. Poor Dorothy sat there looking so uncomfortable. As for me I wished the floor had opened up and swallowed me!

Dorothy's aunties
Back then, our first home that we purchased had previously been rented by one of Dorothy's aunts. It was bought whilst Sally was away doing her final year training to become a maths teacher. Mam and Dad helped clean and scrub the house ready for when Sally was home and free to get married.

Mam, on her way to the shops, was chatting to another of Dorothy's aunts who mentioned she'd heard that we were moving into Rosebery Street and Mam, not being aware of the connection of the two aunts, said, “Yes, the place was scruffy.” Of course it was reported back.

This came out when at one of our Sunday evening get-togethers Dorothy had brought along her cousin Wendy (the daughter of the aunt Mam had spoken to). Wendy was more forthright than Dorothy and almost immediately said, “We shall have to report back if we find a speck of dust here, Dorothy.” Blimey!

Dorothy – it's all in the family
Another of Dorothy's cousins, Mary, was married to Tony who had been an old neighbour of ours when I was growing up. Sheila, Tony's sister, was a few years older that me and was always clouting me – until one day she came for me with a sweeping brush which I wrestled from her and walloped her with and that was the end of the bullying!

Dorothy's cousin Mary unfortunately died and Dorothy who had never been married later wed Tony. When it was Tony's 70th birthday, because we were now interlinked through Dorothy being our friend we were invited to his celebration. This was a most unexpected reunion for me with my old neighbours.

I made a special effort to speak to Tony's mother. “Hello, Mrs. Birks.” Before I could say anything further the reply came, “Have less of the Mrs. Birks, I'm Sheila.” Time had stood still and she was the image of her mother from my childhood remembrance. I should have known better.

I got to know that their mum Mrs. Birks was now almost a hundred and was physically unable to attend but she had asked to be remembered to that Johnny Jarvis.

Sheila seemed to enjoy reminding me how she had clipped me round the ears back then. After my faux pas I thought better than to remind her of the brush incident.

Bloomers without Dorothy
As a market manager I was responsible for approaching traders to ask them to remove from their stalls goods that were not on their contract to sell. A line of goods that was popular for making their unofficial appearance was underwear. This transgression was vehemently reported to me by official sellers of lingerie and I had to act.

It was difficult to approach a trader, if a female, and tell her she had to take her underwear off!

As you can see I am an expert at creating embarrassing situations. Yes, I'm the biggest bloomer boomer of them all!

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This article has been read 484 times
Member Comments
Member Date
C D Swanson 01/19/12
I was laughing at the first one! Boy - that was the epitome of "embarrassment."
Nice job. God Bless~
harvestgal Ndaguba01/19/12
Oh my gosh, I laughed so hard. Especially at the first one. That was soooo funny. Thanks for a good laugh. I enjoyed this.
Verna Cole Mitchell 01/20/12
What an entertaining piece, clever to the very end--no pun intended!
Danielle King 01/20/12
Blimey! Shiela clouted you and you walloped her. Flippin' 'eck these Yankies n Ausies won't have a clue what you're on about mate. Oh and you had a mam too. I'm pleased about that because mom just never sounds right to me.

Enjoyed your blooming big bloomers. Made me feel at home.
Danielle King 01/20/12
Oops! Spot the spelling mistake. That's my bloomer!
Terry R A Eissfeldt 01/20/12
Great cameo moments. You captured them well.
Linda Goergen01/21/12
Very comical but powerfully shows we need to be careful what we say and who hears it. Well written, enjoyed.
Noel Mitaxa 01/21/12
You were going to have to check under - where????
You collected some great episodes and wrapped them up well at the end. Obviously there was enough room in the bloomers to contain all these episodes....
Very entertaining read.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 01/21/12
This is a delightful story. I loved your humor and play on words. I could so easily see this happening.

It might read a tad smoother with some more commas here and there. I also noticed a tiny typo but now with my brain being tired I can't remember it, You tied the end up wonderfully and I enjoyed the giggle.
Leola Ogle 01/22/12
Oh my, haven't we all stuck our foot in our mouths much like your MC with the comment about the Pyrex. And yep, some of us don't get all the lingo, but who cares! Loved it! Great job! God bless!
Helen Curtis01/23/12
Oh boy have I had some equally embarrassing 'foot-in-mouth' moments!

I enjoyed reading this, but did find it a little hard to follow with so many names being mentioned. By the end I wasn't sure who was related and who wasn't and how they all tied together. Having said that, the accounts were very funny! Well done.
Rachel Phelps01/23/12
I'll only echo what has already been said - the story was such fun, but after the second episode, I started getting a bit lost. I particularly loved the first one - it was so simple, and yet so awful because we can all relate. I also think that some shorter sentences might have aided in the readability. Just a thought.