The Official Writing Challenge
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12/29/11
This was a cute story, I would have loved to read more-but you couldn't because of the word limit.
But nicely done, it was very believable as well.
God Bless~
12/29/11
Cute--speaks to the modern time trial of trying to figure out if somebody is talking to "you" or talking to somebody on their blue tooth while looking at "you". Sometimes, it's a hard call to make. LOL It took a bit of work reading the story to figure out who was having what conversation--but then, I guess that was what the story was about, right? LOL Fun read.
12/30/11
This is cute.

There are a lot of point of view shifts here. Especially if you are doing it in first person, you need to keep who "I" is the same... Don't switch between the home owner and the computer repair man. It gets confusing as to who "I" is.

I loved the ending. :)
12/30/11
This is wonderful! What a delicious mess of conversations you created! I do agree, it became a bit hard to follow; perhaps you could have made one of the characters' words italics? Not sure if that's accepted practice or not though?

Anyway, I loved the ending, and in my mind Renee is single, as is the PC guy, and they both end up coming for dinner and a beautiful romance blossoms between them! Ahh yes, I'm a romantic! I truly loved this, well done.
12/30/11
This was very cute. Inventive how you tied in the two conversations. I was, however, very confused about who was talking since the narrator kept changing. I also wondered, since you mentioned the that Jill was about the same age as Keenan . . . just how old was the Keenan? Had you not mentioned that, I wouldn't have wondered, but since you did, it leaves the reader wondering. Probably better to not mention age at all, really.

In the sentence "I would love if you’d join John and I for dinner tonight" . . . John and I should be John and me. If you took John out you wouldn't say "I would love it if you'd join I for dinner". You would say "me", therefore, it is "John and me".

I liked the ending. Very humorous how the repair guy asks what they're having for dinner. Nice job. :)
You definitely covered the topic. I was a bit confused though. You used the first person for both MC's which made the story really hard to follow. The part about Jesus in his hometown felt like it came out of the blue. It felt like you added it because this is a Christian site. It's okay to write a good story without mentioning God. I think you have the start of a great mystery. I sensed Keenan was going to steal her identity and it was a pleasant twist in the end that a possible romance was developing.
01/04/12
An interesting read, but the switching between characters using 'I' makes it somewhat confusing. I think a little reworking on the piece will make this a very good story.