The Official Writing Challenge
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12/29/11
Great job with portraying the crazy life of a hacker. It's sad that they feel the need to live a lie.

The title is perfect! It encompasses the essence of the story very nicely.
12/29/11
Clearly a fantastic job with your depiction of a "Hacker's life"- and the portrayal of his personality. He didn't care that he almost was caught-for he was going to merely snatch another identity in a different town. Poof! - Nicely done. I liked this. God Bless~
12/29/11
This would make a good series; beef the story up with adventures and such and always end with being recognized and moving on. Cute idea---I'd read more of the missadventures if you carried it on.
12/29/11
I enjoyed your story and take on the topic. You have a good flow from start to finish and bring it to a successful conclusion.

Remember that spell checker's aren't perfect. It should be - he peeked around the corner - not peaked.

You do a great job telling the story, but you'd have a greater draw if you showed more and replaced weak adverbs with strong, active verbs.

Over all, you've got a great story.
12/30/11
Oh wow. Very creative.

This seemed like it was a bit unfinished. It seems like it could have gone on longer, but I think word count may have gotten to you. I was kind of hoping for just a glimmer of hope for the MC, and was a bit disappointing when I didn't find it.

Nice job with this.
12/30/11
What a sad tale. I really felt for the MC, poor choices he made that just kept giving birth to more poor choices, eventually robbing him of his life, so to speak. Well written and fast paced, I did enjoy this. Well done.
12/30/11
This was an entertaining read. It flowed well and held my interest, maybe more than any other story I've read on this topic so far. I liked the intrigue and mystery you created around Andrew. The ending was a little surprising. Not what I expected, which is good.

I agree with the comment about using less adverbs. You have nine "ly" adverbs, many of which could be changed to make the writing stronger.

Instead of "He had really intended to stay out of trouble" you could say "He had resolved to stay out of trouble". (The verb "resolved" makes this a stronger sentence.)

In the sentence "He paced nervously back and forth and then went to the window" . . . you don't really even need the word "nervously". The fact that he is pacing indicates he is nervous without spelling it out to the reader. You can intensify his feelings of nervousness if you'd like by coming up with another action like biting his lip or drumming his fingers, etc.

Instead of "He hurriedly packed a duffel bag, grabbed his stash of money, and his laptop." . . . show that he was in a hurry with strong action words. "He snatched up a duffel bag and began shoving things in it."

Your dialogue was believable. I'd keep the "Seriously" adverb. ;) I use that word a lot.

This was one of my favorite stories. I'm sure it will score well. Great job.
Oohh I love a good suspense story. You did a wonderful job building up the conflict. I also enjoyed his reasoning that he had a gift. What a great message- it is up to us to use our gifts for good or for evil.
01/04/12
Excellent plot! This story deserves further expansion to a fiction novel. Well done!
01/05/12
Congratulations Leola.
God Bless~
01/05/12
Congrats on placing! Andrew will be pleased. ;)