“Hey, Knucklehead, did you forget? It’s your turn to do the download.”
“No, Smartypants, I didn’t forget.” Knucklehead rocked his head from side to side giving his annoyed answer. “I’ll do it in my own good time.”
“I seem to remember your ‘own good time’ wasn’t good enough last time. That was the day the system went down and we lost all that day’s reports,” Smartypants reminded his cohort.
“OK, first of all, somebody sabotaged the system, I have every reason to believe it was you,” Knucklehead jabbed his long finger into the concave chest of Smartypants. “Always trying to make me look bad to the boss. Second of all, it was only one day’s reports. I don’t see what the big deal is. Not much changes in a day.”
“Listen, you don’t need any help with looking bad, have you looked at your Knuckly head recently?. Na-na-na-na-na!!!!!”
“Oh yeah?” Knucklehead shoved Smartypants up against the nearest wall. “The only thing smart about you is your pants - that’s where your brains are.”
“BOYS!” Mastermind boomed from the monitor. “Stop carrying on! By now the download should be complete and we should be uploading. The two of you are acting as undisciplined as the wretched humans we are studying. We did not get where we are by such lack of restraint. At this rate you will be kept indeterminately within these walls (perhaps preparing SPAM?!!!!)”, Mastermind seethed and sizzled with his delightfully evil idea, “Instead of being promoted to one of the ‘field’ positions.”
Smartypants elbowed Knucklehead.
“IDIOTS! I can see you. I watch everything you do. Now you have one more chance to run the download, upload and cross-reference all reports and get them to the ‘Tactic-Usage-Committee’. I do not need to remind you how important it is that we know what all of our subjects’ weaknesses are and which tactics are most effective in keeping them in our control, every day!”
Smartypants and Knucklehead were standing stock still now, their mouths open and their heads tilted to one side. Mastermind could almost see them drool.
“Did you really mean that thing about keeping us here to make SPAM? We graduated from that a month ago,” Knucklehead was concerned.
“I liked it,” Smartypants admitted.
“THE DOWNLOAD, NOW!” Mastermind’s last nerve of patience was fraying away.
Voice activated, the download began to run at Mastermind’s command. “Look, Knucklehead, that download follows directions better than you do!” Smartypants taunted.
“We need to find a better way. This is so monotonous I could just puke. These humans are so simple, we know what the outcome will be. Same today as yesterday and the day before and the day before that and the day before that... ad nauseatum, if you know what I mean,” Knucklehead complained.
“I don’t know what you mean - and I don’t think nauseatum’s a word,” Smartypants answered.
Knucklehead rolled his eyes behind his cohort’s back. “Just look at the reports coming off.”
Smartypants read off, “2,674,459 families destroyed by jealousy; 580,755 churches split apart by jealousy; 884,372 friendships ruined by jealousy - I think I’m seeing some kind of pattern here.”
“Well that must be why you’re called ‘Smartypants’.” Knucklehead mocked. “We can see how it’s going to turn out. So that’s just my point. I think we should just forego this whole download and use the tactics that have always worked before. Jealousy, greed, power, add a little fear, a little distrust, how can we lose?” Knucklehead concluded.
“THAT way of thinking is why you are called ‘Knucklehead’ and I am ‘Mastermind’,” boomed the voice from the monitor. “Do you forget for a moment there was one day that was different? On that disastrous day none of our tactics worked. On that day the most despicable thing, ‘perfect love’ cast out all fear and recaptured something of very great value that had been lost. The upper management doesn’t fill us in on all the details, (apparently it’s better for us to not know), but the damages to our side were huge. We cannot let that happen again!”
“Mastermind?” came the thin, squirrely voice of Smartypants. “I can keep Knucklehead in line. We’ll finish the download. And don’t worry so much. There’s guys even smarter than us working here.”
While it’s fun to depict the enemy as I have done, we have to always remember that our enemy is not stupid and it is Jesus who has won the battle for us.
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