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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Download/Upload (11/17/11)

TITLE: Like Walking On Water With a Giant Couch Potato
By Nancy Bucca


After what seems like hours of blood, sweat and tears, Mary Not Contrary has finally done it. She has finally reached the top of Mount Transfiguration.

Like Moses she hides in the cleft of the Rock, laying down every annoying attachment clinging to her back, as well as her mile-long "to do" list. Forget the cooking, forget the cleaning, forget the laundry. She is waiting for God's glory to pass by.

And when it does, wow!

"This is too much!" she exclaims. "Too much wisdom, too much allegory, too many mind-boggling metaphors to count. Why, it's almost more than my poor gray matter can contain!"

She's just received a heavenly download.
Pressed down, shaken together, and overflowing.

Running like oil down Aaron's beard, a rapid stream of
data trickles through the channels of her brain at an
amazing pace.

With eager steps she scurries down the mount, sets foot on earth, and presses the fateful button, impatient for the hard drive to warm up.

No sooner has she begun to type than...

"Oh, honey!"

"I knew it. What now? I mean, 'Yes, dear?'"

"Please deposit this check in the bank today. And while you're at it pick up a few items at the store?"

"Sure, dear." She sighs, feeling like an old goat skin stretched to the brim with new wine and ready to pop.

Like Eli misconstruing Hannah's prayer, her man is quick to pick up on her irritation but slow to pinpoint its cause.

"P-U, what an attitude," he grumbles.

"Sorry," apologizes Mary. "It's just that I wanted to upload my download while it was still fresh in my mind."

"And I'm the stumbling block standing in your way."

"No, you're not a stumbling block," she replies. "It's just that - I'm feeling a bit like Peter trying to walk on water."

"With a giant couch potato on your back," he quips, finishing the sentence.

"But honey..."

"I'm late for work."

And off he storms, leaving his wife feeling a bit like David swerving to duck King Saul's spears.

Later that morning...

"Hey, watch it, lady!" screams an angry driver, filled with road rage at distracted Mary's near running of a red light. The lack of domestic harmony almost got her in an accident.

"I don't understand," she mutters. "Ever since I descended from that mount, it's been nothing but trials and temptations. As if the upward climb wasn't hard enough!"

Wearily she struggles to execute her chores. Too bad she forgot to bring any paper in the car. The back of an old receipt will have to do for writing down the words He's already written in her heart.

"Seems I have to fight with all my might to keep those words," she complains.

"Yes, but isn't that the job of every believer?" The Master's words are gentle and kind, as when He spoke with the Samaritan woman at Jacob's well.

"Remember when Moses climbed the mount to meet with me? I spent forty days downloading a wealth of information to him. But on the descent he got his eyes on the golden calf and off of Me. And he broke those tablets."

"I wonder if he felt like Peter trying to walk on water - with a giant couch potato on his back?"

"Well, I picked them both up, and I'll do the same for you."

"Got it," says Mary, full of new hope. Happily she returns home, puts away the groceries, and gives her husband a call.

"Hi, honey. Sorry for being grumpy this morning. I was just overwhelmed, like the Israelites waiting to cross the Red Sea."

"That's because I was acting like a Judas, sticking Martha's broomstick in your hair while you poured oil on Jesus' feet."

"Wrong analogy actually. I was sowing seed into my computer, not pouring oil."

"Okay. So I was Balaam and you were my donkey. But I still get a kick out of you. Now go upload that download before your fingers explode."

The forgiveness in his voice lifts Mary's burdens. Like the once hunched-over woman freed from the spirit of infirmity, she rises tall and with a heart at rest heads toward the keyboard.

Exodus 14:10, 32:19-20, and 33:22, Numbers 22:23-29, I Samuel 1:13 & 18:11, Psalm 133:1-2, Matthew 14:22-31, Mark 2:22, Luke 8:15, 10:40 and 13:11-13, John 4:6-26 & 12:3-6, and Romans 14:13

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Member Comments
Member Date
Dolores Stohler12/01/11
Great writing! I could feel every thought and frustration. It's hard to come down off that mountain where you're communicating with the Lord.
Cheryl von Drehle12/02/11
Somewhat following FW critique: The beginning was strong enough to draw me in and keep me reading. I like your use of scripture as analogies and metaphors although I did feel after awhile there were too many; I’d like to see some of these developed more fully rather than quantity. I think this was well crafted, quite creative in rhythm and language, and your ending was strong. I like the interplay between H & W. This is an interesting twist on the subject…not sure it is spot on, but nevertheless I enjoyed reading this piece. Excellent message for us all.
Linda Goergen12/02/11
This was wonderful! Oh can I ever relate to your MC, needing to upload information that was downloaded into my brain before I forget it! I really enjoyed this, it was so cute and creative! Great job!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 12/02/11
I enjoyed this take on the topic. You incorporated so many Bible stories into your piece. I thought the beginning of the banter between the two felt quite realistic (the apologies seemed a tad forced) I could empathize with both the man and woman. I also enjoyed how you managed to capture what writing a story is like.
C D Swanson 12/11/11
A simply brilliant job and take on the topic at hand. I simply loved it. A lot of biblical references and clearly a lot of thought went into this dynamic piece. Thanks! God Bless~
C D Swanson 12/16/11
Congrats on your HR placing.
God Bless~
Michele Fleming 01/05/12
Very nice piece...I did feel there were a few too many analogies, but the point of your story was delivered spot on. It is hard to deal with every day life sometimes, once we have had a communion with God. The devil ALWAYS seems to be there waiting to mess things up. Good job!