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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Spam (not the meat) (11/03/11)

TITLE: You've Got Mail!
By Helen Curtis



You've got mail!

Excitedly, I opened my Outlook Express folder to see whose attention I had grabbed at that moment...

"Cheap meds now!
"Are you lonely? Do you want to meet people in your own area?"
"Do you need help with your..."

Excuse me, 'carol345@aol.com' but, do I know you? Surely I must, since you're asking me such personal information?! Alas, I, in my ignorance, clicked on the email and BAM! In came that annoying little bug, infecting my entire PC and leaving me completely gobsmacked. "What just happened?!" I lamented over my poor, ill Pentium 360 as my geeky (now very rich!) computer nerd friend explained to me that I'd been 'hacked.'

Yes, I am talking of a time 'back then' when emails and the Internet were relatively new (to the general public, at least). A time when 'spam' was nothing more than meat in a can, (that for some reason always reminds me of bog; you know, the putty used to fill in rust spots in cars? Anyway, that's a whole other story!). A time when complete strangers were able to infiltrate our lives via our computers, a time before VET and McAfee and all the other safety programs were created to protect us from malicious, and even just down right annoying, people invading and/or corrupting our space.

Thinking about it now, I see that our non-computerised lives face much the same spamming as our PCs. Everyday we meet and interact with people, in real life or via other media, friends and strangers, who will pass on information to us.

Some of this information is helpful and very necessary - I couldn't last a day if I didn't hear "I love you" from my hubby and kids!

Some of it is pure fact - the news, the date, the weather... okay, so maybe the weather is not alwasy accurate, but they do their best to inform us and help us make good decisions in life.

Some of it is from trusted friends, perhaps a counsellor or pastor who wants to help us develop and grow in our walk with Jesus.

Yet, the whole time we're receiving these good, positive messages, there's a whole heap of spamming going on, most of which we miss. The ads telling us we're not good enough unless we buy the latest car/house/computer/mobile phone. The emaciated models making us feel un-worthy, un-loved, un-important, un-beautiful. The teacher or boss rejecting our latest report, comparing us to 'Joe' who always seems to get it right.

Every day we are bombarded with these messages - most of which come from complete strangers who really just want us to buy more of their product. And every day our lives become infected with their malicious viruses, causing us to function far less than we were created to, or to just crash completely.

That is, unless we apply the best anti-virus/spaming filter available to humankind - Jesus! (Switch to Home Shopping salesperson voice now). Yes, this filter is the very best. Why? I'll tell you. Firstly, it works, guaranteed! That's right, there's no need for constant upgrades or 'patches,' this antivirus works on every single person in the world, and it is 'glitch proof!' That's right, when allowed total freedom over one's life, it is totally impervious to the kind of spam that was mentioned earlier.

Secondly, it doesn't cost a cent. That's right, it's a free gift to all who would like to be free of spam for good. Accept this gift today, and you will be rebooted, your systems cleaned out, and your RAM renewed! Others have tried to match this offer, but you won't find the real thing in any of the other products on the market. You see, they miss the key defender in their programming, so they will never be anything but a cheap imitation of the real thing.

How do I know this, you ask? That's easy...

I read the manual and interact with the customer support liaison officer - every single day.

Now, would you like to give it a try?

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This article has been read 452 times
Member Comments
Member Date
C D Swanson 11/17/11
Cute, clever and nicely done! I really liked your entry. Nice job. God Bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 11/19/11
This is a fun fast-paced read that left me with a smile.
Theresa Santy 11/22/11
I know, right?

You (assuming the MC is you) are so fun and delightful. I loved your rambling voice and I felt like I was sitting accross the table from you soaking in all your energy.

My only comment would be that, in my mind, the email alarm sounds more like "BINGGGG!" than than "BIIIING", but I could be wrong. (And these are the annoying sort of comments my poor challenge buddies are faced with each week.)
Linda Goergen11/24/11
Who would think such a wonderful devotional could be born of spam…but you did it! Wonderfully written, great message, great job!
Deborah Rampona Oliver 11/26/11
I really enjoyed this entry. I especially like the parenthesis with the insert salesvoice now. I also enjoyed the gimmick approach to comparing and contrasting Christianity with what we receiving on a daily basis.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 12/01/11
Congratulations for ranking 6th in level 3!