The Official Writing Challenge
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I like this fresh approach about the words of wisdom from the Bible. It's a great way to deliver the message to the kids. I like that you added the comments too.

You had just a few errors with punctuation, a missing quotation mark, comma, and the - felt a bit distracting to me.

I thought your start was great. It made me want to keep reading. The conclusion was satisfying and made me smile.
11/09/11
I loved this! Nicely done! It held my attention and I really like when passages are throughout the story. I loved the ending! God Bless~
11/09/11
Very creative approach, though the constant present tense (for me) suggests it would work well as a play, with action bracketed or italicised.
I like how you have built the interest as you progress.
11/10/11
Loved it! Good job! God bless!
In an effort to critique along suggested lines: Strong start…well crafted with believable dialog. I was actually a little distracted by the names Mary and Martha, thinking you were going somewhere with that (maybe you did and I missed it.) Good treatment of the topic, not only as an example of a blog, but how blogs draw us in. Love the application of Proverbs. I would like to see you do more with the ending. I felt it just sort of ended without any kind of a climax or twist. I’m not sure that the “sub-plot” about Justin really works…maybe, but if so, needs to be stronger. Overall: creative, and an entertaining read with a valuable message.
11/15/11
An interesting take on the topic using Mary and Martha as characters for the story. In ancient times, Sabbath was on the seventh day, not on Sunday, which is the first day of the week or the Lord's Day. I agree that these days many of us fill our dedicated day for the Lord "with activities which our ancestors never would have done." Our schedules are always squeezed and we have so little time for God. Your story is a good reminder of the need for us to pursue wisdom, and to set aside time for the Lord, not just on Sundays, but every day of our lives. Nicely written piece. God bless.
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