"I'm bored," Jennifer said, as she sat in Laura's apartment.
"Me too," Laura replied.
"Hey, I have an idea," Jennifer said. "Let's play Google Golf."
Laura looked at Jennifer, raising an eyebrow. "Google Golf? What in the world is that? Is that were you play virtual golf using pictures of golf courses from Google Earth? "
Jennifer laughed. "No. It's where you pick a two word phrase and try to get one and only one result on a Google search."
"That sounds just about impossible."
"It may be. I've never actually tried it before," Jennifer said.
"Hey. I've got one. What about 'diaper trophy?'" Laura said, typing it into the computer.
"Uh... you're a bit new to this whole thing, aren't you? Do you have any idea how many parents are ready to give their new son or daughter the "Dirty Diaper Trophy?"
"Well, I still want to try it," Laura said, hitting the submit button.
"Hey, only fifty results. That's actually not too bad."
"So... does that mean my score for the first hole is fifty? What's par?"
"Yes, it means you have fifty points, and..." Jennifer paused, furrowing her brow. "And I have no idea what par is. My turn. I'm going to try... uh... 'metacarpal cow.'"
Laura just stared at her. "Metacarpal cow?"
"Don't ask. Cha-ching! Only five results. Beat that!"
"I'll try. I am summoning my inner.... well, I don't know. But there's got to be something in there." Laura walked over to the bookshelf.
"Hey, what are you doing?"
"Well, we've both had one round, right? I say we pick two random words from the dictionary."
"Is that cheating?" Jennifer wondered.
"I don't know it's your game."
"Let's try it."
Laura coughed as she pulled the small paperback dictionary from the shelf. "How long has it been since I used this thing?"
"I don't know. But judging by the layer of dust, I'd say about... five hundred years."
Laura smacked Jennifer in the head with the dictionary. "I do know how to use one of these things, thank you very much." Laura opened the dictionary and pointed to a word. "Okay. 'Mobile' and.... " She closed the dictionary and opened it again. "...'dopa.'"
"'Dopa?' What does that mean? Jennifer asked.
Laura read from the dictionary. "'An amino acid that is converted by an enzyme in the blood into certain biological chemicals. One isomer (L-dopa) is used in treating Parkinson's Disease.' Wow."
"That's pretty cool. So. Are dopas mobile?"
"I suppose we'll find out." Laura started to type "mobile dopa" into Google.
Jennifer stopped her. "Hold on. Before we start typing random words and phrases into Google, lets make sure we have 'Safe Search' on the strictest setting."
"You speak words of wisdom." Laura adjusted the settings, then typed it into the computer. "Thirty-nine results, but only... ten are in English."
"Not bad," Jennifer said. "I'll give you the ten. My turn. First word is shank and the second word is double-decker.... No results found, at least as a phrase. So... I get zero points!"
"Not so fast. It just means that you came up with something so absurd that no one would think of it. I'm adding ten points to your score," Laura said.
"How about if I reverse it and put in 'double-decker shank?'"
Laura thought about it for a moment. "Okay. Double or nothing. If you get no results again, you have to take the results without the quotes."
"Okay, but since 'double-decker' is hyphenated, can I at least keep that part in quotes?" Jennifer asked
"Sure. But if you get no results again, it's triple points. I get to add thirty to your score."
Jennifer let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine." She typed in "double-decker shank" into Google. "No results. I'm getting nervous now." She finally typed in "double-decker" shank and hit the submit button. "149,000 results. Can I have my thirty points?"
"Sorry. I don't think so. I win!"
Jennifer shouted a cry of protest. "Hey, we only played two rounds! You need to get a chance to mess up as badly as I did."
Laura looked at her watch. "Hey. Look at the time. I've got to go to the library to study for that vocabulary test tomorrow. Good night."
Laura ran towards the door, Jennifer following closely at her heels. Jennifer took the dictionary and flung it at Laura. The dictionary hit its mark. "Hey, that smarts!"
"That," Jennifer said, "Was payback."
Disclaimer: Please turn on strict safe search before attempting to pay Google Golf
Yes, Google Golf is actually a game. At least I think it is. Or... it is now. I remember hearing someone say something about it, but I have no idea who. For all I know, I could have dreamt it. I did indeed Google it, and while it was mentioned, I couldn't find any specific rules. The actual rules for this game were quite literally made up as I wrote the story.
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