The Doctors at Ignorance-Is-Not-Bliss Hospital (IINBH) have a big problem. One of their patients has an Overwhelming Guilt Pop (OGP) stuck inside his head and it's turning him into a zombie. To cure him, the doctors must pinpoint the OGP's precise location and find a way to remove it without damaging the patient's think tank. It's a risky operation, and the slightest millimeter of a mistake can leave the patient seven times worse off than before.
"But have no fear, the Miracle Revelation Instigator (MRI) is here," says Doctor Heartman, visiting doctor and Head of Internal Medicine at New Wine Medical Center, New Jerusalem. "Just place the patient inside this clear tube we call the Most High Shelter (MHS) and let the machine do the rest. This is how it works.
On top of the MHS sits our
Search Device, the New Man
Revive-o-Meter, Where the Abe-Ram
Rescue Horn connects tip-to-tip
With the Grace Throne Altar Horn,
Which moves the Golden Cry-er Outer,
Which fires up this clear cylinder,
The Faith Combustion Chamber (FCC),
Which fuels the Repent-o-piston,
Which powers the Way-Truth-Life Laser,
Which perfectly pinpoints the OGP
And nukes it from the inside out."
The physicians at IINBH, eager to see the machine in action, help move the patient into place. And now Doctor Heartman is ready to begin the demonstration. First he must charge his machine. To do this,
He untwists the Abe-Ram Horn from
The Grace Throne Altar Horn (GTAH),
Blows seven times into the Abe-Ram Horn
While holding tightly to the GTAH,
Then reconnects the two trumpets and waits.
One second elapses, then two, then ten. Then suddenly the sound of a mighty singing Wind is heard. It brings with it a marvelous arpeggio of majestically melodic notes.
"Mighty hymns from HIM," explains Doctor Heartman.
"Swirling into the Abe-Ram Horn,
They bring deep revelation,
Which shakes the Grace Throne Altar Horn,
Thus vibrating the Golden Cry-er Outer
And making it sweat great drops of olive oil."
As the Cry-er Outer sweats, the patient begins to groan from deep within. What in heaven (and on earth) is going on? wonder the doctors.
"It's like this," says Doctor Heartman:
"When the Golden Cry-er Outer
Meets the patient's Inner Cry,
It sparks the ignition key
Which fires up the FCC or
Faith combustion chamber,
Where an amazing
Shepherd's Rod rotates
A rugged cross, which
Mixes Faith with fresh
Word manna, Combining them
Into an awesome fuel which
Runs the Repent-o-Piston."
Even as he speaks the blades begin to spin, stirring the chemicals inside the FCC into an amazingly bright, white substance.
Suddenly a painful cry arises from within the patient's heart. A foul stench fills the air.
"P-U!" cries one of the doctors, a Ms. Merry Martha M.D. "That smell is gagging me!"
"A wonderful sign that the machine is working," says Doctor Heartman.
"For as the cross's iron nails
Pull on the heavy metal inside
Your patient's heart, that makes
The Repent-o-piston push against
His Lazarus stone, rolling it away
So that the Way-Truth-Life Laser
Can shine its light into his every dark place."
As Doctor Heartman speaks, a miniature lightning bolt runs straight down from the top of the MHS into the patient's chest, exposing a nasty root of bitterness.
"That's the splintered reed holding up the guilt pop," explains Doctor Heartman, even as another lightning bolt comes down and fries said bitter root.
A sweet perfume fills the air, causing Ms. Merry Martha to breathe a huge sigh of relief.
With the MRI running at full strength, it doesn't take the Way-Truth-Life laser long to isolate the OGP, a huge snow ball of accumulated blame clogging the patient's think tank. Holding it in place is a sticky paper jam of legal jargon. It's one big, gooey mess. Yet all it takes is one well directed life ray of "no condemnation" light to nuke both paper jam and OGP, while leaving the think tank completely unscathed.
Result: The patient awakes from his coma totally "de-zombified" and in his right mind. The treatment leaves no undesirable side effects.
"And that just goes to show the amazing power of this unique Miracle Revelation Instigator," says Doctor Heartman. "Not only is it unequaled in power, accuracy, and perfect love, but if you search the scriptures you will see that each part of it - from Abe-Ram Horn to Way-Truth-Life Laser - points to the Great Physician who made it all."
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
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