The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/21/11
This was a really good entry. I enjoyed it very much. There was an enormous amount of information contained within this story, and it was wrapped up with the powerful message at the end. Nice job! God Bless~
This was a good story. I felt you were limited by the word count though (story of my life:) I liked how you showed her feelings and turmoil. Below is the rating sheet I would give this story if I were judging.

Topic:4 I think you did a great job of keeping to the topic

Creativity: 4 I liked how she was searching the past to find out who she was.

Start: 3.5 The fact that she had a secret drew me in.

End: 3 It felt a little rushed and tied up in a neat bow.

Crafted: 2.8 There were many sentences I had to reread to understand. There were also several things I didn't understand like why her son called her Duchess or why it mattered what her ancestors did or what an Irish Tinker is or what the initials WI stand for.

Flow 2.9 I think your story was larger than your word limit.

Communication: 4 The message about not worrying what others think is a good one and one I often need to be reminded of.

Publishable: 3 I think this has a lot of potential but I see it more as a novel than a shot story.
On topic and creative I enjoyed the story from beginning to end.
10/23/11
Very enjoyable and original approach, though some parts were smudged a little by awkward punctuation. I especially like how you wrapped it up.
10/25/11
There is no better search engine than the One that searches our souls. This message is put across very well within your story, showing to us our need to stand tall regardless our genealogy, never to be proud or ashamed. God accepts us as we are. An excellent reminder that we should stay humble and honest always. A nicely written piece. Well done.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way (Psalm 139:23-24 NAS).

10/25/11
You did a fabulous job with the topic. A good, enjoyable read, and having Irish ancestry made me really like this one. God bless!
10/27/11
What a well told, interesting, informational, enjoyable story you’ve woven around the use of a search engine! I like the way you slowly revealed the woman’s pride and it was so comical to have her find out she herself descended from the same nomadic people she was fighting to have evicted. As others have mentioned, a few grammar problems within that needs cleaning up; but beyond that this story was top notch. The first line a grabber that pulls you in, then the story continues on with the mystery, slowly revealing it with perfect timing and then the story ends with the perfect happy ending - the whole wrapped with a wonderful message! Great job on this!