The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/21/11
This is an interesting story with a good message. Below is the sheet the judges use to rate with my opinions and scores.

Topic: 1.5 although you used the words search engine several times it really wasn't about a computer search engine. If a topic stumps you check out the message boards under The Writing Challenge for clarification.

Creativity: 3.2 I liked how you tried a fresh take on the topic. I can definitely tell you think outside the box.

Craft: 3.0 You had a few errors. In the following sentence: my son saw our yearling heifer, Honey, running and laughing stated,
It sounds like the cow was running. You also used their instead of there. I also saw some places that could use a comma. Many of your sentences were great and interesting to read.

Start: 3.2 You drew me in with the barking dog. I could relate to that. When my dog barks at night I wonder what he is seeing that I can't.

End 2.9 The ending felt different from the first part of the story. I felt like you jumped from a charming story to explaining the purpose of your story.

Flow: 2.9 Again I felt the ending was almost a separate story. I think the reader would have gotten your message without the explanation. You did a great job in the first part of the story. I felt like I could hear you telling the story and it seemed very natural.

Communication 3.5 I really like your message and I think it is one theworld needs to hear.

Publishable: 3.5 If you added a Bible verse and a prayer this would be a great devotion that would really leave me thinking about your message.
10/21/11
Oops Under Craft: I meant to say it sounded like the cow was running and laughing. (I knew what you meant, just the phrasing was awkward:)
10/21/11
Good reminder to all parents. God bless!
10/22/11
The entry was off topic with some grammar errors but otherwise a creative story.
10/22/11
I was glued to this story from the beginning of the dog barking, until the end. It was written with so much vivid detail, I felt like I was watching it all!
I did however think in your warning at the end about parents seeing the red flags and being aware, you were going to talk about the dangers of what children can find on the internet with just one wrong word placed in a search engine. That would have made it right on topic. I felt it was inferred but probably would have been better for topic if mentioned.
But that aside, I felt this to be a well written and powerful piece, containing so much wisdom and truth within and I thoroughly enjoyed the read!
10/24/11
I also think you may have slipped off-topic by use of allegory, but I also think your truth is still powerfully expressed.
10/25/11
Prudent advice! A nicely written piece and an interesting read, with a very important message.
11/04/11
Congratulations for ranking 10th in level 3!