Oh great! Not another stupid English report. Now Miss Jenkins is going to say it out loud, like we can't read the chalkboard or nothing! Just let us get to doing our homework, so we can get out of here. I ain't going to do it at home!
"Class, today I want you to write an autobiography. Give a personal description. Tell when and where you were born. Tell about your parents. What are your skills and your dreams? Who are you?"
Who am I? Nobody important, that's for sure. Writing this paper ain't going make no difference, neither. It ain't easy for kids like me to write a paper like this. Miss Jenkins just don't understand. It ain't going to be a very interesting autobiography, that's for sure...unless...I hopes I got time to use the computer before the bell rings.
Who I Am
Everyone calls me Skip but my real name is Josh Rowe.
I think I'll change it to Joshua W. Rowe. That looks better. Hmmm... a Jr. on the end is even better. Joshua W. Rowe Jr....Cool! Maybe if I was hitched with a name like that, I'd be a famous football player, too.
I am black and six feet tall and skinny. I have a scar on my left cheek.
Man! That sounds like a police report!
I am sixteen years old and was born on July 4th in 1995.
Leastways, that's what I been told, 'cause I'm always blowing up like a firecracker when anyone bugs me. I don't rightly know my real birthday. Not that anyone cares anyway.
Where is a good place to be born? This Google map is rad! INDIA... RUSSIA... JAPAN...AFRICA... This report might as well be interesting.
I was born in Timbuktu in Africa.
Someday, when I get enough money, I'm going to travel all over the world. I'm going to see the volcanoes Hawaii and swim in the Barrier reef in Australia. I don't care none about Paris or Italy, but I'd like to see the buried army in China and ride a camel in Timbuktu.
My mother's name is...
I need just the right name...OPRAH, nah...DINAH, nah...Aha!
My mother's name is Serena Williams.
Ohhh, man! That Serena is a purty woman! I'm going to get me a woman like her someday. I was told my mother's name was Izzy Brown, but I don't rightly know for sure. I don't know if she was purty or not, neither.
My father's name is Joshua W. Rowe Sr.
... of course!
I never knew my old man, and he prob'ly never knew me, neither.
Skills? I got skills. I know how to do lots of stuff, like how to cross town without paying a cent and how to snitch food from the kiosks, but Miss Jenkins wouldn't understand.
Hmmm.....ATHLETIC WORLD RECORDS... Oh yeah...Perfecto!
I am a very skillful athlete. I have run 26.2 miles in 2 hours, 5 min., and 37 seconds. I have thrown 5,430 successful passes in football and hit 28 home runs in a season.
My dreams? I got lots of dreams, like having a real family and a home. I ain't complaining about the shelter or nothing. It's a place to get a meal and lay my head, but it ain't a home. It'd be cool to buy stuff in stores like regular folks 'stead of picking in the dumpsters alls the time.
I only gots five more minutes! I'm almost done, then I can split. Oh man! This stupid computer is so slow...Come on...come on...Finally! Oh yeah! This is what I want.
My dream is to be rich like Will Smith and own a red fancy Camero convertible with a V8 engine and a high-performance stability control system with a top speed of 190 miles per hour. I would own a beachside condominium in Big Sur in California and have a big 72 foot Princess yacht with sleek V-hulls and twin MTU engines so that I can cruise around the world to Hawaii and Australia and China and Timbuktu.
I hope Miss Jenkins likes this here report, 'cause I ain't doing it over. My life ain't important or interesting, but Miss Jenkins just don't understand.
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