The Official Writing Challenge
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I like the easy dialogue and the calmness and assurance that Christ brings to the middle of a situation, what seemed hopeless and caused so much fear and anxiety. I wished that you could have not ended it there though, as I was hiding behind the rock as well and wondering what happened next. However, it does allow the reader to imagine what happened next. So, is there maybe another story that follows this? This piece would be great for a christian magazine for kids and teens. I really enjoyed this one.:)
Blessings!
09/23/11
I love the message and it is so true, Christ is the bonding agent that can make strangers or enemies our instant friend! Well written! Great job!
09/24/11
This is wonderful - a story that encourages us all to reach beyond ourselves and our difficulties to fulfill the great commission. I too am longing to read a possible continuation.
09/26/11
You gave the reader a lot to think about. You did a great job with the theme. Jesus calls Justin a mutual friend, but He is also a mutual Friend. The dialogue had a realistic, natural flow. Perhaps,"that's one of qualities" would read better as,"that's one of many qualities," and "Nothing is coming to mind" as "Nothing comes to mind."
With the word count restricting the expansion of your story, your seemingly abrupt resolution is understandable. Bullying is a hot button topic today, and your story, without the word count restraints, would make a great children's story with marketing potential.
I thought the story was delightful and presented a great scriptural lesson. The next to last sentence,
“Justin,” he called, “can we talk?”, caused a momentary reading bump for me. Here's why. After dialog with Jesus, which Justin would not have heard, there is no scene change before Justin is greeted. I imagine the word count came into play. Well done.
09/26/11
Liked the casual dialogue and the message. Good job.
09/29/11
Congratulations on your win! I hope you consider turning this into a children's story.
10/01/11
I enjoyed reading this. I like the approach you took, the atmosphere you created and the way Jesus was so available to the child. Good job. Congrats!
10/19/11
This was one of my favorites, you know. I knew you would do well. Congrats!
10/27/11
Gerald, I'm going to feature this on the Front Page Showcase for the week of November 14. Look for it on the FaithWriters home page--and congratulations!