The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
09/15/11
I loved your story, I thought it was funny. It made me laugh


The part about the cameraman being punched reminded me of when I videotaped girls basketball games. I had a mom complain about having a camera on the free throw line. “It makes he daughter nervous.”


Since the mid 70’s a event like this (if it is on Television) would be shot on videotape. Instead of cinematographer it would be a videographer Cinema is film.
Haha, loved the ending. Watch out for places when you describe a person's actions and then have a different person's dialog--they should be in different paragraphs so it's clear who is talking. I also wanted to see a little more of Ivy's fear of kids when she was actually interacting with the kid. I liked how you had the angel be a human helper on the earth, instead of an unseen helper. Cute story!
09/17/11
I truly enjoyed this story, and got lost in the dialogue and characters overall. Well written, God Bless~
09/17/11
Oh, I like this. Very cute.
09/18/11
Very cute story but also messages a sad truth that many children are forced into what is their parent’s dream for them and not theirs! Glad this ended well. Well written.
Amusing story. Good take on the topic.
09/18/11
"Jay pushed his friend off the cloud." Didn't know angels could be so aggressive.:-) I think the mother was more bratty than the Shannon. She deserved the punch.

Even though the plot was adequate for the topic, it was a little soft on substance, and easy to predict (I write those too).

There may be a few theological questions as to the 'saving' role of Angels, but, nevertheless, it was entertaining and humorous.
09/18/11
Cute little story with a sad ring of truth. I think the ending wrapped up a little too quickly, but I know that the word restriction definitely causes that sometimes. Great story..thanks for sharing it!
09/19/11
An interesting and enjoyable read.

Hopefully, Christian parents reading this would come to realization they should not exasperate their children or provoke them to anger, lest they become discouraged. Parents should instead bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21).

I like the closing of the story. In this case, director's cut and censorship is not necessary with a little help from an angel. LoL.

09/19/11
Very creative, enjoyable read! Thanks.
09/19/11
I love the flow of this story, and the twist at the end. I'm not too sure about the angel's attitude - sounds a bit resentful to me - but on a strongly pedantic point; from scripture it's doubtful that there are male and female angels.
Although I agree with the comments preceding mine, you have an I N C R E D I B L E imagination, as always! In addition, I am SO in agreement with your message!! :)
09/28/11
I enjoyed reading this.
02/01/12
This was a neat story with a great message to Pageant Moms. Loved the fact that the little girl was protected by the smeared film, as all of that would have made the headlines, especially since it was her last performance.