We help Granny along, we really do. I mean, that's what being a loving grandchild's all about, isn't it? Especially, since Gramps has moved on to Glory.
We've learned to read between the lines with Granny's comments and get down to what she really means. Like, when she says she's 'laying off the sweets'. Roscoe and I know she's just talking. That's her way of saying, Valentine's Day is right around the corner and a Whitman's sampler would do just nicely .
Like the day she overheard Roscoe ask me, “Missy, how many World's Best Chocolate bars have you sold for the band? I heard Tilman Greene is on his third box.”
Granny stepped right up and put me ahead of Tilman. Said she'd pass them out at her monthly Women On Missions meeting. I guess she did; I never saw them again.
Granny has always been a little plump. What does it matter? She's the best cook ever and she makes all of her own clothes anyway.
I'm telling you all this to explain why we saw it necessary to help Granny when she announced that she was going on a diet. We love Granny and so we stepped up to the plate (so to speak). Nothing is more important to us than seeing Granny happy.
At first, we'd just add a little more sugar to her iced tea pitcher. Granny loves sweet iced tea and we didn't see the need for her to 'cut out some of the sugar' and hate the result. She never caught on and all was well.
Roscoe and I went with Granny to buy a new scale. Not just any bathroom scale would do, oh no. Granny had seen the electronic Weight-O-Meter on Dr. Oz's show and she was not going to accept anything less. The Weight-O-Meter does everything but chew your food for you. It displays weight in pounds and kilos, holds the results in memory, reveals BMI, calorie needs, fat percentage and so much more.
Roscoe read the manual. Granny never did; computers aren't her thing.
All went well for awhile. We'd drop by when we got out of school each day. For two or three days our snacks were apples and carrot sticks. Then slowly we saw some cookies in the cookie jar or a German Chocolate cake on the table waiting on Granny to 'take it to a neighbor'.
It was at that time, Roscoe decided to supplement Granny's efforts. Knowing Granny greeted the Weight-O-Meter each morning, Roscoe adjusted the controls just enough to keep Granny smiling and losing . Of course, it was our secret; Granny need not know.
It was smooth sailing with Granny dropping weight on a consistent basis. We noticed her joy right away. When Granny is happy her kitchen smells of apple pies and sugar cookies and her refrigerator is filled with potato salad and banana pudding. All the while, she kept telling all her friends how well she was doing. I overheard her on the telephone.
“It's the easiest diet ever, Maude. In fact, I have to eat more than I want in order to not lose too fast. You know how it is with someone my age, wrinkles and all. Got to slow it down a little. I can't wait 'til Dr. Mabry sees how well I've done.”
Yeah, you guessed it. Dr. Mabry was less than impressed. In fact, he had some strong words of warning for Granny considering she'd gained fourteen pounds and had to have her blood pressure pills increased.
Granny wrote the most scathing letter to Dr. Oz, packed up the Weight-O-Meter and took it in for a refund.
Of course, Roscoe and I felt bad for her. We love Granny.
That's why when Granny brought home the new, electronic Miracle-Results Treadmill Roscoe read the manual. Granny's up to walking twenty miles before breakfast every day. Well, that's the story and I'm sticking to it. Go Granny!
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