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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: The Comedy of Errors (not about the play) (08/18/11)

TITLE: Crude Sea
By Beth Muehlhausen


Crude Sea

While wafting adrift on the high seas of Crude,
A sailor named Snarf consumed food and more food!
The sun smiled by day and the stars winked by night,
But naught could console him except his next bite.

And Snarf’s destination? He had not a clue.
His mind was distracted by food he must chew.
He could not stop eating - addiction held sway;
He side-stepped the fact food had made him its prey.

Snarf’s boat named Sir Gulper smacked into the waves
While Snarf chomped provisions and bellowed loud raves.
“I love being subject to snack food and junk!”
Then stuporous fell on the deck with a thunk.

Each day Snarf inhaled frosted doughnuts and cakes;
He had no intention of slamming food-brakes.
His appetite frothed like the foam on high seas,
Consuming and fuming, he boomed his rash pleas.

“More choc'late – more CHOC'LATE!” Snarf cried to the sky,
‘Till clouds rained dark drops with a quiet-sweet cry.
Crude Sea became sauce with a Hershey-like smell;
Snarf envied Sir Gulper chomp-chomping each swell.

When bad health descended, junk food had to halt;
Poor Snarf drooled and fooled over chips smeared with salt.
“Obsession, stop NOW!” his mean pirate-voice said,
As he sn-snarled with anger and sc-scowled with dread.

“It’s crazy! I’m done for, and full of disgust!”
Snarf yowled knowing well he was trapped by his lust.
Was rescue an option? Weight loss just a dream?
Could Snarf still rebound and escape far downstream?

“I’ll fight with me sword!” Snarf yelled out to the wind.
His saber flashed bright as its tip a chip pinned.
“You’ll crack to your death!” he addressed it with glee,
And grimaced as chip-flecks fell into Crude Sea.

Just then the horizon showed off a new speck;
The prospect of land made old Snarf crane his neck.
While feeling quite nervous he chomped down some nuts:
“I’m won’drin ‘bout stoppin’ - IF I’ve got the guts.”

Sir Gulper drew closer ‘till shore could be seen.
The island looked pretty, quite lush and bright green.
Binoculars proved there were people about;
When Snarf saw so many he started to pout.

“Don’t want what they have - nope - I’ll live my own way!”
Sir Gulper held course, smashing waves with brown spray.
It wouldn’t be worth it to try and change now -
Snarf’s food, after all, was his most sacred cow.

Still Snarf peered through lenses to see what he could –
Sand beaches, stone seawalls, and houses of wood.
A white printed banner came into clear view,
Suggesting he stop on his way passing through!

It welcomed him - yes! - to a gluttonous crowd,
That ate naught but junk and to food idols bowed!
Snarf crowed, “What a hoot! Now that’s just such a riot!
A High-Carb, Weight-Botcher, West-Beachcomber-Diet!”

Old Snarf, he succumbed and went port-side that day,
But found no desserts, just a salad buffet!
The ad had attracted a mob of huge crowds,
In hopes of them casting off failure’s thick shrouds.

Now what do you think Snarf decided to do?
Did he stomp back on board and a candy bar chew?
Or did he find breakthrough? Did vic’try unfold?
The end of this story remains to be told.

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Member Comments
Member Date
Allison Egley 08/27/11
I like this. I think a second poem is in order.... about how either 1) He learned to like healthy foods (like cookie monster) or 2) how he returned to his ship and kept eating until the ship could no longer support his girth. :)
C D Swanson 08/30/11
Cute and clever! I enjoyed it, and have been creating a sequel in my mind!
God Bless~
Noel Mitaxa 08/30/11
Let's hear it for Snarf - what a swell guy. Living proff that "the weak shall inherit the girth!"
Very clever and lots of fun.
Noel Mitaxa 08/30/11
.eud si dniwer A
Let's try "proof" instead of "proff."
Linda Goergen08/31/11
Fun, entertaining read! But terrible being left hanging not knowing if Snarf ever saw the error of his ways.