A Commentary on Dumb Laws and Ideas for Equally Dumb Punishments
*In Alabama, it is illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
So let's see... A guy is walking in the park when he gets really hot. His bottom side gets hot too, so he puts the cone he's been eating in his pocket to "cool off." Meanwhile, he breaks another law. The arresting officer tackles him from behind and his brand new uniform is forever stained.
Punishment: The person will be forced to eat ice cream until he get a stomach ache.
*In Seattle, Washington, pet goldfish who make a disturbance are not allowed to ride buses.
The actual law is about carrying an aquarium on a bus. But what about that poor goldfish making a disturbance? I mean, even if he jumped out of the tank, he'd only be a "disturbance" for a few seconds....
Punishment: Said goldfish owner must give away a free goldfish to all bus passengers who request one... and the bags they can use to properly carry them home.
* In Kansas, if two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.
So wait a second. Train one can't leave until train two does. But train two can't leave until train one does. But train one can't leave until.... There are a couple of train engineers and some passengers who are going to have their whole day ruined. Or their week. Or their month. Or...
Punishment: Actually, the punishment for this one is kind of build in. All persons on both trains must walk quickly yet carefully to the closest train station.
*In Washington, it is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.
Now this one is dumb in a different way than most others...
Motorist: Yes Chief. I am about to enter your city, and plan on robbing First Bank on Second Street at approximately 3:45 AM. Just wanted to let you know.
Police Chief: Thank you. I will be seeing you in jail at approximately 3:56 AM.
Punishment: If a man with criminal intent fails to notify the chief of police, he must call his mother, grandmother, or next of kin to explain what he did and why his is a bad son, grandson, father, etc.
*In Kansas City, Missouri, you cannot auction off a turtle on Sunday.
On Saturday, however....
Punishment: The auctioneer must auction off a tortoise on Monday, and he must allow the winner of the illegal turtle auction to have the first bid, since his turtle was obviously confiscated by police.
*In Australia, it is illegal to wear hot pink pants after midday Sunday.
Police officer: Ma'am, it is Sunday. And further more, it is after midday. Are those pants hot pink?
Citizen: No, Officer. Actually, they are more of a light, yet bright, magenta.
Police Officer: Oh. Well, then carry along. Have a good day, mate.
Now this still begs the question. What is unlawful about the color pink? Is "The Color Purple" allowed to be viewed in Australia on Sundays after midday, or is that illegal too?
Punishment: The offending party shall pay a fine equal to the resell value of the pants and must show up at the police department after midday the following Sunday in much more sensible pants. Florescent green pants, perhaps.
*In Kansas City, Missouri, bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws are prohibited.
I can see the progression now... Woman buys said tub, but does not tell husband. Woman takes a bath in said tub, with the door closed, but the "foot" of the tub is visible underneath the door. Woman makes groaning noises, as she enjoys the sheer luxury of her new bathtub. Husband enters. Husband sees foot of tub. Husband hears groaning. Husband knocks down the bathroom door to "save" his wife from the dreaded animal. Wife screams. Screams wakes up neighbor. Children don't get sleep. Children do badly on standardized tests at school the next day. School suffers. Law made. Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?
Punishment: Owner of the tub must get rid of the tub, and after that, he or she must face public humiliation by mimicking the animal depicted by the tub feet, and must spend eight hours educating schoolchildren about the animal.
(Disclaimer: The actual validity of the above laws has not been researched. The author takes no responsibility for any person who decides to test the laws to see if they are true.)
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.