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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Crime and Punishment (not about the book) (07/21/11)

TITLE: She Waits
By Catrina Bradley
07/26/11


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While she slept
I crept
From behind our cardboard walls
Into the night
As a surprise.

A better life
was on my mind
Not this life for her and I
Or for the little him or her
Inside my wife.
A doctor.
Food.
A bed for the night.
Was on my mind.

And now
On the other side
Of these cold concrete walls
She waits
In a paradoxical paradise
Of freedom
On the other side
She waits.

I said don't
She said don't push me away
Then cupped my face
And looked me in the eye
And said
I know why.
And I'll wait.
She placed my palm on the swell
Of our new life.
We'll wait she said.
And we cried.

That new life
Still hasn't seen a doctor
Nor its mother a bed for the night
Still she waits
On the other side
Of this wobbling see-saw
We ride...
My prison a cold concrete cell
Hers open air and sunlight
Where fires burn just as hot and bright
But hidden behind
Invisible prison walls
Erected by my crime.

She waits
Both of us doing time.


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This article has been read 508 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lillian Rhoades 07/28/11
What a lovely poem. I loved the concept of dual imprisonment and dual punishement. One waits behind bars doing the time and the other imprisoned on the other side - waiting for time "behind invisible walls."

Great rhythm and flow. "The swell of our live," - awesome metaphor.
Lillian Rhoades 07/28/11
Oops! punishment
Melanie Kerr 07/29/11
Superb! Beautifully written. You told a story in so few words - well chosen words at that.
Colin Swann07/29/11
Great metaphoric writing - thanks for sharing this and I'm sure you enjoyed writing this out-of-the-box piece.
Phee Paradise 07/29/11
Heartbreaking.
Verna Cole Mitchell 07/29/11
You created vivid contrasting pictures of punishment in your poem--excellently done.
Noel Mitaxa 07/31/11
A very succinct message about the silent victims of crime - families of the culprits. Well done.
Loren T. Lowery08/01/11
This is great, you should continue stretching your selves in this venue as it truly seems to reveal your soul's voice. Excellent job with being on topic, too. Not always the easiest of tasks.
Laury Hubrich 08/02/11
Very heart-breaking...
Benjamin Graber08/04/11
Oh, this is good, Cat - I loved some of the images you painted here, and the voice was excellent. Congratulations on your EC!
Karlene Jacobsen 08/04/11
Ok, so maybe 21 weeks analyzing poetry has done me some good. I got this. Crying. Dear Cat, this is beautiful and heartbreaking. Congratulations on EC.
Carol Penhorwood 08/04/11
Truly lovely! Your choice of words brought out the contrast between the two and the poignancy of the situation. Congratulations on your EC!
Verna Cole Mitchell 08/04/11
Congratulations on your EC for your thought-provoking poem!
Eliza Evans 08/04/11
GREAT job, Cat. I like it very much! Congrats on EC!
Lillian Rhoades 08/04/11
I'm glad the judges agreed with me.:-) Hats off for a well-deserved win!
Author Unknown08/07/11
Wow, Cat! Incredible piece. It's hard to tell so much story in so few words in such a beautiful way.

well-crafted, and well deserving of your placement :)