The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/23/11
This is a powerful entry. Out of the box and well written.

If you lose all the dialogue tags (snapped, hissed, snarled) it will tighten this up. Your words already convey emotion.

EX.
“You don’t have to tell me when to feed my baby. I guess I have enough sense to know that.” She snatched the baby and walked towards her bedroom.
Says the same thing but flows better without the tag.

I love that first image of Lacey wringing out diapers then running into the house to peek through soot-covered windows.

This is a great piece! I look forward to reading more of your work.
07/25/11
This sad world leaves us with many Why’s of life we have to face this side of Heaven. You have shown one - why mental illness would strike a seemly God loving family. But as your scripture shows, on the other side is where clear views await and sometimes we just have to wait to get there to see the answers! In the meantime we can thank God our mentally ill are not treated with the horrible treatment and treatments today as they were in the past! Good job on the realistic detail of this!
07/25/11
This story seems like a parable, to me. We're all Lacey, often caught between the wonder of God's gifts and the terror the enemy of our souls whispers to us to put us in doubt. I think this is a very creative take on the topic.
07/27/11
I agree with the other reviewers, and I think this is a very brave take on the topic. Our brains are really the final frontier, there's so much we don't know about them. Nicely done!
Wow what a powerful entry! There are so many that think the s word should be kept secret. This story will help educate them. Congratulations for ranking 9th in level 3!