in days when hedge bottoms were lush with foxglove and sweet smelling grasses and hawthorn blossomed in gentle showers and summer sunshine
our imaginings allowed free rein, galloping on spirited steed, mane streaming in the wind; our beloved horses, heads carved out of wood with a stick to sit astride
our legs did the running, our playful fancy dreamt up adventure; we could be whoever we wanted to be, race along the seashore by moonlight or trail through dry dusty desert in the searing heat of the mid-day sun; we were free then
in halcyon days long ago
through school days, when you knew your sums and I knew my words, we swopped information laughing when others thought us smarter than they were, cheating without conscience but never intending hurt
we were children still.
as we grew and changed as people do … where were you then?
did you feel ashamed to be my friend, trading me in for more sophisticated types to share their secrets with you
secrets of the heart; the sort of things that you only tell sometimes, when you trust
I missed you!
life is short, life is hard … you went your way and I went mine, though on the same path we travelled always
crazy paving strewn with debris, fragments of life and mountains too high to scramble, for fear we lost our footing … yet again and stumble all the way down, you on your side and me on mine
it was a lonely place, in the valley without you
Soul mates …
we were different, our life defined by circumstance beyond our reckoning while people asked how we coped; we didn’t, we were a tangled mess
a tight bundle of raw nerve endings
yet in the eyes of others we were giants, hand-picked by God for the task in hand; made for each other
how could we live such a lie?
your hands are cold today as I trace with my finger the network of spidery veins bumping through parchment skin
these hands that have laboured in love for so long now; caring, sacrificing, enduring
did we do enough, was there a better way we should have taken
does the disfiguring scar that is loss ever fade
will doubt always be a part of who we are
these hands, our hands
locked together in God
have been strong enough to survive
life is hard
this side of Paradise!
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