I know I made the right decision; but the war wages on. Everyone is telling me my decision will ruin my life. I'm too young. I don't know what I'm doing. I'll never be the same.
But what if I don't want to be the same? What if I'm tired of the old me? What if I'm tired of living for myself, doing only what I want, and always making life easy for me?
The one person I thought would support me is one of the strongest opponents. Who knew?
She says it will be an embarrassment.
An embarrassment? To whom? I'm certainly not embarrassed. I guess she's the one who will be embarrassed.
I know I made a bad choice and that's what got me into this whole mess. But two wrongs don't make a right... right? I know what I have to do. I know it won't be easy. I know I'm young. I know I'll never be the same. But I do know what I'm doing.
I'll never forget the night it happened. I was so caught up in the moment. I wasn't even thinking of potential consequences. Everyone tells me that I couldn't help it; that I was forced to do it, and that alleviates me of all responsibility. Some even think I need to press charges. But I know the truth. I did know what I was doing. I just didn't think about... well, I just didn't think.
Then there's the night I found out. I wanted to scream. Cry. Shout. Get away from it all. I wanted to do what everyone is telling me to do now. I almost did. I almost lost the war.
But then I thought about it some more; really thought about it. Agonized over it. And finally, I made the first truly rational decision of the night. I prayed. Then I knew.
Oh, I still have my doubts. Not about this decision, but about how everything's going to change. The war still rages on in my head, but truth is winning. I can't go back now. I have peace about my decision. I know it's the right one, despite what those around me are telling me.
After all this little guy in here is fighting a war of his own just to survive. Who am I to take away his only chance at life?
This is a piece of fiction, though I hope it accurately describes the courageous decision many women make every day.
For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my motherís womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
Psalm 139:13-14 (NASB)
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