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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Checkout (06/09/11)

TITLE: Two-ply or not Two-ply
By Kelvin Fowler
06/13/11


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Of all places
that this could
have happened
it was the
toilet paper section.

Too much Mexican food
the very evening
that late night
out-of-town
guests were arriving.

He resented
being told
'you used it,
you replace it'.

Cranking up
his beloved
F150
he rushed
into town
determined
to be home
before his wife's
guests arrived.

Scowling
at the long
check-out lines
he barged his way
through the store.

Frustration set in
this was not
a man's
natural environment
it took him an
eternity
to find
the
toilet paper aisle.

He had no idea
that there was
such a choice
and he knew
that he was expected
to get
the right
package.

Two-ply
or three-ply
with the cute dog
or the cute baby
forty-eight pack
or twenty-four pack
and what was this
'aloe scented
for sensitive skin'
all about.

Sweat was beginning
to bead
from his
white straw hat
he could call home
but that was
a weakness.

Eventually
after much angst
he settled on the
twenty-four pack
with the cute dog
but then discovered
it wasn't American made
so he quickly
put it back
didn't want the
whole country
to be like
Detroit.

It was then
that he
noticed
he was all alone
like in the
twinkling
of an eye
everyone
had disappeared
checked out
vanished.

The frail
realisation
that
that
crazy
television
preacher
must have been
right,
the
rapture
had come,
settled in.

No point
phoning home
now
his wife and kids
were part of the
faithful
they didn't need
toilet paper
anymore.

He was alone
totally alone
left with
the toilet paper
the thudding of his
heart
and the piped in music
that horrible music
that always sounded
like
it resided
in the elevators
of hell.

Allowing despair
to take hold
and instinctively
stroking the
roughness
of his handlebar
moustache
he contemplated
his next move.

Suddenly
he noticed
he was not
alone
a curious
little man
in a red
uniform
and
women's
spectacles
popped his
head
around
the corner.

His spectacles
seemed to be
fogging up
he was
a little short
of breath
and clearly
perturbed.

Their eyes
met
for a
terrified
moment
as the little man said
“I am sorry
we have been
closed
for thirty minutes.
Please proceed
to the check out”.


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This article has been read 310 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Leola Ogle 06/16/11
This was just too cute! I smiled all the way through. Good job, in fact, excellent job! God bless!
Cheryl von Drehle 06/17/11
Okay -- this is hysterically funny; made me LOL. Talk about keeping my attention to the very end!
Helen Curtis06/17/11
This is very funny! Thanks for the laugh.
Laury Hubrich 06/17/11
hahaha:) Funny stuff... Clearly, some men should NOT do the grocery shopping even if they did use the last of the tp!
Linda Goergen06/17/11
HILARIOUS!!! I was wondering if the scare of that was gonna be enough for him to need the toilet paper then and there...LOL LOL...
if a person REALLY believed the Rapture had happened and they were left behind, it would be enough to upset the stomach and more! LOL

TERRIFIC job on this...a very funny way to get people to contemplate a very serious subject...would they be ready if the Rapture happened right now?
A masterfully written message!

Verna Cole Mitchell 06/17/11
You made me laugh with your fun story. I loved the ending.
Kate Oliver Webb06/17/11
Funny, creative, original, an out-of-the-box handling of a serious message. This was GREAT! Wish I'd thought of it....
Patricia Protzman06/18/11
Creative & hilarious. Loved your arrangement of the story which rolled down like sheets of "Toilet Paper?" LOL
Rachel Phelps06/18/11
This is awesome! Great work!
Noel Mitaxa 06/19/11
I must admit I was a little 'flushed,' but thanks for a fun read.
Patricia Turner06/20/11
You communicated the angst so very well, and so hilariously. Love the message wrapped in toilet paper.
diana kay06/22/11
great title and a great story... I was wondering why it as set outlike a poem when i was a story but of course those clever FW cottoned on to the roll out nature.
The one problem was that in the UK there is always an annoucement that the store is closing and if he was 1/2 hr late he would defo NOT be allowed to get the loo roll or maybe that was the crunch ...he would have to go home empty handed
Lillian Rhoades 06/22/11
I must admit I had an "uh oh" moment when I read the first three lines. I kept looking for the "accident" to occur.:) Thankfully, you went in another direction - a rather clever one I might add. For creativity, you've scored. Great title, too.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/23/11
This was a delight to read. You have awonderful sense of humor. A similar thing happened to me when Iwas a teen (thinking I had been left behind, not the contemplation of the correct toilet paper.) I could easily relate to your MC.

Congratulations for placing 8th in level 3!