The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
06/10/11
Good story told from a little boy's perspective. Adorable. God bless!
06/11/11
You have captured the outlook and voice of a little boy very well! I can almost feel the little wheels turning in that little mind as you allow us to look through his eyes! Good Job!
06/12/11
As someone who has worked in children's ministry for more than 10 years I can absolutely tell you that you captured the mind of a little boy perfectly!

This had me laughing out loud! Great job!
This is a very sweet story from a great POV. The only reddish ink I might offer is that in the formatting, there are words italicized, and I was trying to figure out why they were- unless that's just the emphasis the MC was putting on the words. It was a tiny bit distracting, but just a tiny bit.

Also, I find when I'm in a kid's head, even though more is more when you're in a kid's head-- when you're a grown-up reading it, you still need a pinch less. So if it were me, I'd slim it down a little.

But those are really minor things. I think you did a great job.
06/14/11
Totally credible POV, though I found the lack of punctuation making it slightly harder to follow.
Oh I love this! What a delight it was to read!
Congratulations for placing 10th in advanced and 29 overall!